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A young Russian inventor can not find application for his "truth generator" however, despite the objection of the FSB (modern KGB), a rich buyer appears.
I wonder what you mean by "can't find an application." Also, what do you mean by "objection of the FSB?" This is a good place to raise the stakes. You might consider saying "Russian secret police" instead of FSB. You obviously feel the need to explain what the FSB is, but the parenthetical breaks upRead more
I wonder what you mean by “can’t find an application.”
Also, what do you mean by “objection of the FSB?” This is a good place to raise the stakes.
You might consider saying “Russian secret police” instead of FSB. You obviously feel the need to explain what the FSB is, but the parenthetical breaks up the rhythm of the line.
See lessA troubled young woman from a dysfunctional family drags her father into a world of incest and revenge after the murder of her mother and brother.
Is this a mystery or search for the truth story? It seems like that is where this logline is going, but it's not entirely clear. Also, how does she drag her father into the world of incest? The way it is written, it almost seems like the heroine is having an incestuous relationship with her father,Read more
Is this a mystery or search for the truth story? It seems like that is where this logline is going, but it’s not entirely clear.
Also, how does she drag her father into the world of incest? The way it is written, it almost seems like the heroine is having an incestuous relationship with her father, which I don’t think is what you intend. If she is taking her father along with her while searching for the truth, that needs to be more clear. Otherwise, there might be some people who misunderstand what your story is about.
See lessWhen Morpheus is imprisoned by his jealous brother Phobetor The Land of Nod is transformed into a world of nightmares. Two feuding brothers trapped in this terrifying place must work together to reunite the Gods and restore Nod to its former state.
Does Morpheus' imprisonment cause the Land of Nod to turn into a world of nightmares? If so, why would Phobetor be working with Morpheus? If not, why does the Land of Nod change? I think there is a lot for us to wrap our head around in this logline.
Does Morpheus’ imprisonment cause the Land of Nod to turn into a world of nightmares? If so, why would Phobetor be working with Morpheus? If not, why does the Land of Nod change?
I think there is a lot for us to wrap our head around in this logline.
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