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Struggling through the death of her father and the onset of manic depression, a gifted 17-year old young woman?s life is turned upside down when she must live with her estranged party-girl mother, where she quietly plans to kill herself on her 18th birthday – unless life intervenes.
The bit that would get me to watch is the fact that your protagonist is planning their death. So that's the meat and potatoes of your story. "When she is sent to live with her irresponsible mother following her father's death, a gifted but depressed young woman orchestrates her suicide." (It almostRead more
The bit that would get me to watch is the fact that your protagonist is planning their death. So that’s the meat and potatoes of your story.
“When she is sent to live with her irresponsible mother following her father’s death, a gifted but depressed young woman orchestrates her suicide.” (It almost sounds like she’s orchestrating her mother’s suicide … anyway, just playing with it).
The problem I see is; who or what is the antagonist in your story? If your main character is depressed and wants to die, and no one else knows that she wants to die, what significance does waiting until the 18th birthday hold? What is the conflict in the story?
See lessA meticulous hitman unwittingly becomes a tool in a complex scheme of revenge by a woman he regards as nothing more than a one night stand.
This idea is too vague. I don't know what the event is that kicks the story off, and I don't know what I'm going to watch your meticulous hitman do over the course of an hour and a half. What is the goal? If the fact that his one night stand turns out to be pulling the strings in the story is goingRead more
This idea is too vague. I don’t know what the event is that kicks the story off, and I don’t know what I’m going to watch your meticulous hitman do over the course of an hour and a half. What is the goal?
If the fact that his one night stand turns out to be pulling the strings in the story is going to be a third act reveal, it doesn’t make sense for that to be the event that kicks the story off. More likely it’s when he’s attacked in the street by unknown assailants, or something of that nature.
See lessAfter a wild party with a Notorious asian druglord. A group of dysfunctional,Culturally diverse students hope to live the life of their dreams when they wake up to $100,000 worth of cash, Until they realize that not only are their passports missing, but their Straight A asian friend is mistaken as the Druglord. They must put their trust in the towns Party fool to find their passports and dodge the eye of the authority to get home safely. (I know this isn't perfect and is very long, so i'd appreciate any constructive criticism ! thanks )
"After a night of wild partying, a (who is your protagonist)? leads his friends to recover their passports from a dangerous drug cartel." Sounds like "The Hangover" meets "21 and Over"... and that wouldn't get my $20 at the box office. Who is your protagonist? Why do the characters need their passpoRead more
“After a night of wild partying, a (who is your protagonist)? leads his friends to recover their passports from a dangerous drug cartel.”
Sounds like “The Hangover” meets “21 and Over”… and that wouldn’t get my $20 at the box office.
Who is your protagonist?
Why do the characters need their passports? Are they stranded overseas? Do they have a plane they must catch? (This could become a “time-clock” as Blake Snyder puts it. A deadline that will ratchet up the tension as the story goes on).
Who is the antagonist, and why? They were partying with the Asian druglord, so I’m not certain if it’s his people, or the authorities of wherever they are. Why are these people after them?
WHERE does the $100,000 factor into the story?
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