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When a contract killer kills the wrong man he has only a few hours to find out how his flawlessly calculated hit went wrong and fix it before the Mob can take its brutal revenge.
Getting close here! "killer" and "kill" one after the other feels clunky. Maybe 'assassin' eliminates the need to indicate 'contract killer'? 'hitman' even? Maybe even drop 'perfectionist' back in, and remove "his flawlessly calculated hit". 'When a meticulous hitman kills the wrong man, he has onlyRead more
Getting close here!
“killer” and “kill” one after the other feels clunky. Maybe ‘assassin’ eliminates the need to indicate ‘contract killer’? ‘hitman’ even? Maybe even drop ‘perfectionist’ back in, and remove “his flawlessly calculated hit”.
‘When a meticulous hitman kills the wrong man, he has only a few hours to find out the hit went wrong and fix it before the Mob takes its brutal revenge.’
See lessA gypsy has drugs to pick up in Chicago, while a lesbian ballerina thinks they?re sharing gas across the county to see family, but when she finds out the truth she picks up a rock and throws it at his face. With no money to get them home, and an appointment to keep with a drug dealer the couple decides to finish the job.
Hey Jacob - first off, this logline seems convoluted because the reader isn't sure who your main character is. If in doubt, it's probably best to go with the character who's going to have the journey that drives the plot and changes the most as the story progresses, although as you haven't indicatedRead more
Hey Jacob – first off, this logline seems convoluted because the reader isn’t sure who your main character is. If in doubt, it’s probably best to go with the character who’s going to have the journey that drives the plot and changes the most as the story progresses, although as you haven’t indicated a flaw in either character it’s hard to be certain which of the two that may be.
See lessWhy do they lose all their money?
What is the goal? To pick up drugs in Chicago? What happens if they don’t do it?
In order to seduce his junior assistant, a conceited inventor exchanges bodies with an attractive stranger. But when she rejects his advances and he loses control of his research, he must attempt to reverse the exchange or else face the rest of his life living someone else's.
How about this? "After switching bodies in a failed attempt to live out his sexual desires, a self-obsessed inventor must race to reverse the switch or face the rest of his life living someone else's."
How about this?
“After switching bodies in a failed attempt to live out his sexual desires, a self-obsessed inventor must race to reverse the switch or face the rest of his life living someone else’s.”
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