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A perfectionist contract killer is drafted by two mobsters to assassinate their Don. Twenty nine hours later in a bizarre twist of fate his meticulously calculated hit goes wrong and he kills the wrong man. He has only two hours to learn the identity of his betrayer.
JanCabal's example is pretty close, I think it just needs your polishing touches on it :) Definitely don't need the twenty nine hours later, we almost don't even know who the original hit was for, we just need to know (as far as the setup goes) that "When a perfectionist hitman takes out the wrong tRead more
JanCabal’s example is pretty close, I think it just needs your polishing touches on it 🙂
Definitely don’t need the twenty nine hours later, we almost don’t even know who the original hit was for, we just need to know (as far as the setup goes) that “When a perfectionist hitman takes out the wrong target …”
And we need to know the stakes. I second the motion that Jan puts forward – if he fails, the kitty gets it.
See lessAfter a discovery of time-travelling, genius scientist uncover that reckless agency creates multiple dimensions and gather mineral resources from past to present, which will lead to dimensional collapse unless he stops them.
Who discovers time travel? Your genius scientist? With so few words to be able to waste, is "genius" the best way to describe this character? It doesn't give us a sense of the inner journey this character is likely to experience during the course of the film. We just know that they're smart. For insRead more
Who discovers time travel? Your genius scientist?
See lessWith so few words to be able to waste, is “genius” the best way to describe this character? It doesn’t give us a sense of the inner journey this character is likely to experience during the course of the film. We just know that they’re smart. For instance, the character might be smart, but also arrogant, or humble, or selfless …?
The set up has your character discovering time travel, then shortly after that, discovering a reckless agency that uses some sort of multi-dimensional scheme to … get rich? Where does your story actually begin?
Stakes are pretty high, which is great.
Tasked with questioning the validity of a hoax, a tenacious physicist is forced to push the limitations of modern science, while the impostors face death row.
Agreed with Richiev. You have your protagonist, but we're not clear at all about the inciting incident, what the actual goal is (and therefore, the action the protagonist takes to achieve this goal). The stakes are nice and high, but it's unclear how an 'impostor' figures into it all. They're linkedRead more
Agreed with Richiev.
See lessYou have your protagonist, but we’re not clear at all about the inciting incident, what the actual goal is (and therefore, the action the protagonist takes to achieve this goal).
The stakes are nice and high, but it’s unclear how an ‘impostor’ figures into it all. They’re linked with the hoax, right? Maybe you just need to be clearer on the events of your story, and steer away from anything too general sounding.