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Set around the riots in Redfern during 2004 AROUND THE BLOCK is about breaking family and cultural cycles for a hopeful future. A contemporary story of love, revenge andtriumph, a young Aboriginal boy becomes torn between his unexpected love of acting and the disintegration of his family
This part is the logline: "a young Aboriginal boy becomes torn between his unexpected love of acting and the disintegration of his family". The rest is promotional stuff that's not necessary here. So let's look at that. Your protag is a young aboriginal actor. His family is disintegrating around himRead more
This part is the logline: “a young Aboriginal boy becomes torn between his unexpected love of acting and the disintegration of his family”. The rest is promotional stuff that’s not necessary here.
So let’s look at that.
Your protag is a young aboriginal actor. His family is disintegrating around him. How are these two things connected? You’ve described the choice, but how is he put in the position to have to make that choice? What is his goal, and what is the conflict stopping him from achieving that goal? The stakes are clear – his family will, if not die, at least abandon him. But disintegrate can be interpreted in so many ways, I think you need to clarify what the real danger to them and the boy is.
See lessEmbarking on a mission to save his people from a terrible famin a young tribe leader must defeat his demons, both real and imagined, in order to restore peace and destroy a new dictatorship created by his once trusted second in command during his absence.
Definitely more streamlined. Defeating inner demons is too vague, I think, for the logline. Whilst it may be true in the script, what is his outward goal?
Definitely more streamlined.
See lessDefeating inner demons is too vague, I think, for the logline. Whilst it may be true in the script, what is his outward goal?
It's a story about a gamer who is an outsider at school. He doesn't thinks that he fits in. Playing all the war games that he does, he thinks it would be awesome that he would join the army. There he meets a guy who was in the same situation. Only that this guy is ice cold. He doesn't care about other people than himself. He murders innocent people, even if he don't have to. The main character realizes quick that this isn't what he was hoping for. He refuses to kill innocent people.
Hey mate - I've commented on another of your loglines earlier. I think we're seeing similar problems. First - far too much information about everything in this. And you've only described the set up, not the story. You have a reclusive gamer whose passion for war games drives him to join the militaryRead more
Hey mate – I’ve commented on another of your loglines earlier. I think we’re seeing similar problems.
First – far too much information about everything in this. And you’ve only described the set up, not the story.
You have a reclusive gamer whose passion for war games drives him to join the military. You’ve got your antagonist – a cold, heartless new recruit. But what is the goal of the main character, and if the other recruit is the antagonist in the story, how does he get in your protag’s way, and what are the stakes if your protagonist fails in his quest?
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