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A battle of wills ensues between a preacher and a criminal leader after a gang botches a robbery, escapes into the church and holds the congregation hostage.
My criticism of the logline is levelled at "A battle of wills ..." This appears too vague. Just about every conflict between a protag and antag (even if neither is the outright "good guy" and outright "bad guy") could be described as a battle of wills. Die Hard is a battle of wills. The Devil WearsRead more
My criticism of the logline is levelled at “A battle of wills …” This appears too vague. Just about every conflict between a protag and antag (even if neither is the outright “good guy” and outright “bad guy”) could be described as a battle of wills. Die Hard is a battle of wills. The Devil Wears Prada is a battle of wills. The Great Outdoors is a battle of wills. So it’s kind of just fluff language. In any case, it’s implied by the set up. A preacher must protect his congregation. A criminal is using the congregation to ensure his escape with the loot.
So I think you’ve got all the pieces here for a classic logline, but you should bring the protagonist into sharper relief – give us their flaw, or the irony that’s going to hook us into the picture. The conflict is otherwise clear, the stakes are nice and high (both are fighting for survival – the crim only for themselves, the preacher for everyone under his charge).
In any case, I think it sounds like a great one-location film. Wish I had thought of it 🙂
See lessNice title too.
Embarking on a mission to save his people from a terrible famin a young tribe leader must defeat his demons, both real and imagined, in order to restore peace and destroy a new dictatorship created by his once trusted second in command during his absence.
I think the problem here is that the goal is very unclear, and as a result one can't picture the film clearly in their head when they hear the logline. For instance - the goal at first appears to be to end the famine that is hurting his people. But then the goal seems like it's going to be survivingRead more
I think the problem here is that the goal is very unclear, and as a result one can’t picture the film clearly in their head when they hear the logline.
For instance – the goal at first appears to be to end the famine that is hurting his people. But then the goal seems like it’s going to be surviving an exterior threat to his people. Then it appears it’s going to be about toppling a dictator who is also an ex-friend. I’m not suggesting that all of those things don’t happen in your movie, but for the purposes of the logline, I think it’s important to slice it down to the CORE story – who is the protagonist, what is the goal, what is the conflict or opposing force to achieving that goal, and what is at stake.
Also, because words are valuable in a logline, you’re better off not describing your character as “a young tribal leader”. Young doesn’t give us anything. Is he a “naive” tribal leader? Inexperienced? Ambitious?
See lessAn obsessed vigilante has to face the errors of his past when the son of one of his victims infiltrates his gang…
What happens if he fails to face the errors of his past? What is at stake?
What happens if he fails to face the errors of his past? What is at stake?
See less