Have an account? Sign In Now
Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
THE 5TH SHADOW is a dark, surreal thriller with a troubled protagonist, searching for one last masterpiece and a mysterious villain. This is the deep exploration of a disturbed man, alone in a world that has no place for him and the razor thin line between dream and reality.
This reads like the back of a DVD - which is something that is written by marketing, and not a useful tool for actually selling the concept of your film to producers or funding bodies. You have stated outright the film is dark and surreal. Every protagonist ever written could likely be described asRead more
This reads like the back of a DVD – which is something that is written by marketing, and not a useful tool for actually selling the concept of your film to producers or funding bodies.
You have stated outright the film is dark and surreal. Every protagonist ever written could likely be described as troubled. His goal is too vague – searching for one last masterpiece – and it does not reach out to some primal fear or urge in your readers, so it doesn’t hook them. Mostly, the second sentence means nothing.
Get specific. Who is your film about? In what way is your protagonist troubled? What has caused this? Now that he/she is troubled, what is the goal? (To find a masterpiece and a villain? Too vague). What are the stakes if he/she fails to find this masterpiece and villain?
See lessJobe lives with his alcoholic father who was once a champion runner. Jobe, a misfit and loner, has inherited his father’s athletic ability. Ex-Olympian, Harry White, sets about mentoring his athletic ability It is now up to Harry to encourage Jobe to dig deep and decide what type of man he wants to become
First of all, you've provided too much (mostly unnecessary) information. For the purposes of what I really know about this film, you've indicated that an athlete, who lives in the shadow of his alcoholic father's faded glory, is mentored by an ex-olympian. That's it. It's not a story, that's the setRead more
First of all, you’ve provided too much (mostly unnecessary) information. For the purposes of what I really know about this film, you’ve indicated that an athlete, who lives in the shadow of his alcoholic father’s faded glory, is mentored by an ex-olympian. That’s it. It’s not a story, that’s the set up for the story. What is the protag’s goal, what are the forces opposing him, and what are the stakes if he fails?
Also, names are completely unnecessary in a logline, so I’d drop them.
Finally, this logline is unclear who the main character is, because you start with Jobe, but the only person you’ve indicated actually has a purpose in the film is Harry White – who must encourage Jobe to perform at his best. Presumably it is Jobe’s story, so I’d be careful about describing the mentor character’s arc.
See lessA man lives a life in his dream. He falls in loves and haves 2 kids. He then wakes up from a coma, and realizes that he's wife and two kids were imaginary. He becomes depressed. and goes to a psychiatrist. (And ends up killing himself. I don't know if that should be the end or not)
I think all you've given here is the inciting incident (a man wakes from a coma to discover his enter life - wife, kids, job - was a dream). What we need to know, after that small piece of information, is - what does the character then do. What is their goal? What is the opposing force to that goal?Read more
I think all you’ve given here is the inciting incident (a man wakes from a coma to discover his enter life – wife, kids, job – was a dream). What we need to know, after that small piece of information, is – what does the character then do. What is their goal? What is the opposing force to that goal? What happens if they fail?
You don’t need to give the end away, if that’s when him killing himself.
Also, he seems like a totally generic character at the moment. If you could describe his most defining characteristic, that internal part of himself that is going to need to change in order for his inner journey to be complete, if you could put that into just one adjective … what would it be?
See less