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When a ruthless hitman is shot by one of his targets, he is left in limbo. He soon finds out to release his spirit he will have to shoot his own son.
In order to escape limbo after he is killed, a ruthless hitman must murder his own son. I'm confused ... and this may or may not have anything to do with the quality of the logline, but how could he kill someone if he's stuck in limbo? Wouldn't the mere set up mean that he can leave limbo and returnRead more
In order to escape limbo after he is killed, a ruthless hitman must murder his own son.
I’m confused … and this may or may not have anything to do with the quality of the logline, but how could he kill someone if he’s stuck in limbo? Wouldn’t the mere set up mean that he can leave limbo and return to reality at will? Also, who made this rule that by killing his own son, would he be allowed to pass over into the afterlife?
See less?When a dubious pet psychiatrist loses his wife to his richest client, can a high school crush and obsessed cat owner rescue his practice and self-worth??
This logline suggests a very passive protagonist (after the inciting incident, it's up to two other characters - a high school crush and obsessed cat owner - to save the protagonist.) This concerns me, mostly because I'm not a good enough writer to be able to make that work, and I haven't often seenRead more
This logline suggests a very passive protagonist (after the inciting incident, it’s up to two other characters – a high school crush and obsessed cat owner – to save the protagonist.) This concerns me, mostly because I’m not a good enough writer to be able to make that work, and I haven’t often seen it done very well.
Also – in what way is the practice at stake from the protagonists’ wife leaving? I can understand that he may go into a shame spiral after that, and so I believe that his sense of self worth hangs in the balance, but nothing seems to have happened to threaten his livelihood.
See lessCop by day/wolf by full moon. When werewolf police detective Joshua Hobbel is framed for murder, he must accept the beast within in order to stop the human monsters that surround him.
Hey mate - some thoughts on your logline. Drop the "cop by day, wolf by full moon." Your audience knows how werewolves work, so you don't need to include that. What I know from your current logline is that a detective, who is also a werewolf, is framed for a murder. I don't know at all what happensRead more
Hey mate – some thoughts on your logline.
Drop the “cop by day, wolf by full moon.” Your audience knows how werewolves work, so you don’t need to include that.
What I know from your current logline is that a detective, who is also a werewolf, is framed for a murder.
I don’t know at all what happens after that (your I.I.). Does he try to clear his name? Does he try to catch the real killer? Both? Does he go on the run? Does he throw in with a bunch of other werewolves in order to wipe out humanity, so indignant is he of what the humans have done to him? What happens after the inciting incident, and what is at stake if he fails? That’s what needs to go in this logline.
Your script may very well infer that humanity are monsters without any help from magical curses, and your hero’s journey may require him to come to terms with his condition before he can complete his goal, but that’s all subtext. Your logline should tell us “werewolf detective with flaw needs to achieve this goal, or else the thing at stake will/won’t happen.”
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