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A family of losers, while trying to gain foothold in life, are forced into action to save their kidnapped son
This logline is too vague. As Andrew has said, the protagonist is unclear. It's certainly an interesting concept - the family of losers - but what are we talking here? Is it like "The Stupids" with Tom Arnold? Are they that bumbling? The biggest problem is the "forced into action". You gotta get speRead more
This logline is too vague. As Andrew has said, the protagonist is unclear. It’s certainly an interesting concept – the family of losers – but what are we talking here? Is it like “The Stupids” with Tom Arnold? Are they that bumbling?
See lessThe biggest problem is the “forced into action”. You gotta get specific about that bit, because every single film ever made could be described as one character being forced into action in order to (something). What is the actual catalyst?
When a nuclear war erupts on the first day of summer, a astronaut must guide a group of survivors towards safety, for the survival of humanity and his return voyage home.
The goal is definitely unclear, as is when and where the story is set. Is it during the nuclear war? Do they want to survive? To save humanity? To return home? (Where are they if they're not "home"?) It's OK if the script has several of these things tied in together, but I think it needs to be streaRead more
The goal is definitely unclear, as is when and where the story is set.
See lessIs it during the nuclear war?
Do they want to survive? To save humanity? To return home? (Where are they if they’re not “home”?) It’s OK if the script has several of these things tied in together, but I think it needs to be streamlined and clarified for your logline. What’s the most important of these goals (that will facilitate the others)?
Are they in space or on Earth? (If they’re in space, are the survivors his crew? If they’re on Earth – as Harvey suggests – are they are rag-tag bunch?)
[Logline Omitted]
Also, sorry, meant to mention. The title - Sleep Monsters? that's less enticing than the logline. I have no idea what kind of film I'm likely to get from that.
Also, sorry, meant to mention. The title – Sleep Monsters? that’s less enticing than the logline. I have no idea what kind of film I’m likely to get from that.
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