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As a biochemist becomes savagely aware of her birthright, she uncovers the Alpha werewolf who wants her for the pack is already in her life.
I agree with Craig - but if you're going to lose "biochemist" as the adjective to describe her, perhaps it's worth including something else about her character which will explain the emotional journey the film is likely to traverse (by which I mean, if she's described as "meek" or "timid" we know itRead more
I agree with Craig – but if you’re going to lose “biochemist” as the adjective to describe her, perhaps it’s worth including something else about her character which will explain the emotional journey the film is likely to traverse (by which I mean, if she’s described as “meek” or “timid” we know it’s going to be a journey of self empowerment, or if she’s “proud” it’s going to be a story of downfall or humility, “down-on-her-luck” it’s going to be a redemption story. “Biochemist” tells us nothing but her occupation).
See lessAfter fighting in WWII, a man returns home to his family. However, suffering from PTSD, he doesn't know how to live a normal life and only uses his piano to cope with his problems until he meets a woman who shows him how to be happy.
This feels like it can be streamlined. Same concepts, just fewer words. "A recently returned WWII veteran suffering PTSD struggles with his return to society until he meets a woman who shows him how to be happy." However, the hook in your original logline is the fact that he uses a piano to cope. WiRead more
This feels like it can be streamlined. Same concepts, just fewer words.
“A recently returned WWII veteran suffering PTSD struggles with his return to society until he meets a woman who shows him how to be happy.”
However, the hook in your original logline is the fact that he uses a piano to cope. Without giving away TOO much more information, perhaps you could define more clearly in the logline how the piano helps him?
In both yours and my version of the logline, we’ve said that the woman “shows” him how to be happy. This implies that once they meet, he becomes a passive character, which threatens to make the story less interesting. Maybe there could be a clearer way to express this.
Is the PTSD just a character trait, or is it also the central conflict of the film? Because if it’s the central conflict, and not just a peripheral obstacle, it’s probably worth rewording to clarify. “A recently returned WWII veteran struggles to overcome his PTSD in order to be with the woman he loves.”
Also worth noting – I’m not a professional screenwriter, just an enthusiastic amateur, so please only take the above as opinion. Regards.
See lessA story of three heroin addicts leading their life to paranoia and bizzare delusions after being outlawed by their family and friends.
The thing that strikes me first is that your protagonist has not been identified. With three different heroin addicts you should have three emotional arcs in the film. But one of them is going to be the stronger, more central arc of the film. By defining who the main character is, you will be able tRead more
The thing that strikes me first is that your protagonist has not been identified. With three different heroin addicts you should have three emotional arcs in the film. But one of them is going to be the stronger, more central arc of the film. By defining who the main character is, you will be able to define the irony of the story, and thus will be able to use that as the “hook” in your logline.
At the moment, the only information I have about your movie is ‘there are some addicts whose family and friends are unhappy with them.’ I wouldn’t watch your movie yet, because there is nothing in that which “hooks” me in, or suggests something different to what I’ve seen before. It’s not a story.
Who is it about, and what are they trying to do, and what are the antagonistic forces stopping them from achieving their goal?
(Or have I misread? Is the goal of the three a life of paranoia and delusions, and the family and friends are the obstacles they must overcome before they can have that? If so, my apologies. Still … there’s nothing new about some addicts wanting to remain high and their friends and family not wanting that. What’s different or fresh about your film?)
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