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After the son of Death finishes his first day in the family business, he must persuade his father that he wants to follow his dream by becoming a chef.
What specifically happens to him to make him decide that today is the day he's going to change the course of his life? At the moment, the event/catalyst is not strong enough. Also, it needs to happen TO your protagonist - it should not be an action he takes (finishing a day of work). What are the stRead more
What specifically happens to him to make him decide that today is the day he’s going to change the course of his life? At the moment, the event/catalyst is not strong enough. Also, it needs to happen TO your protagonist – it should not be an action he takes (finishing a day of work).
What are the stakes of failure, if he doesn’t convince his father? He just doesn’t get to be a chef? That isn’t very compelling to me.
The goal; persuade his father he wants to be a chef and not a reaper, doesn’t feel like it has the inherent conflict to keep me engaged for 2 hours. The goal really needs to be stronger, and provide more conflict.
See lessWhen a highly-strung accountant inherits a failing community TV station, he finds unlikely performance geniuses at a small town talent competition to save the station.
The stakes are not apparent; the guy is an accountant, not a TV producer, so I'm not concerned for his livelihood should the station fail. What's the urgency to have the community TV station succeed? If the objective is to save the TV station, why would he choose to seek the solution at a small townRead more
The stakes are not apparent; the guy is an accountant, not a TV producer, so I’m not concerned for his livelihood should the station fail. What’s the urgency to have the community TV station succeed?
If the objective is to save the TV station, why would he choose to seek the solution at a small town talent competition? As an accountant, he’s probably familiar with the idea of throwing money at a problem until it goes away – why isn’t THIS what he tries to save the station? Or even just volunteers who WANT to work in TV? It seems pretty far down the list of options for him to seek out small town talent show entrants.
“unlikely performance geniuses” is pretty clunky. Maybe just shorten it to “quirky performers” or “unorthodox performers”?
See lessWhen a highly-strung accountant inherits a failing community TV station, he finds unlikely performance geniuses at a small town talent competition to save the station.
The stakes are not apparent; the guy is an accountant, not a TV producer, so I'm not concerned for his livelihood should the station fail. What's the urgency to have the community TV station succeed? If the objective is to save the TV station, why would he choose to seek the solution at a small townRead more
The stakes are not apparent; the guy is an accountant, not a TV producer, so I’m not concerned for his livelihood should the station fail. What’s the urgency to have the community TV station succeed?
If the objective is to save the TV station, why would he choose to seek the solution at a small town talent competition? As an accountant, he’s probably familiar with the idea of throwing money at a problem until it goes away – why isn’t THIS what he tries to save the station? Or even just volunteers who WANT to work in TV? It seems pretty far down the list of options for him to seek out small town talent show entrants.
“unlikely performance geniuses” is pretty clunky. Maybe just shorten it to “quirky performers” or “unorthodox performers”?
See less