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Weeks into a zombie outbreak, an alcoholic bounty hunter is recruited by a business mogul to rescue his wayward daughter; who?s missing in a zombie ravaged New York.
Playing devil's advocate ... do you need "Weeks into a zombie outbreak" if you end the logline with "who's missing in a zombie ravage(there should be a d on the end of this word) New York."?
Playing devil’s advocate … do you need “Weeks into a zombie outbreak” if you end the logline with “who’s missing in a zombie ravage(there should be a d on the end of this word) New York.”?
See lessWhile appraising old and rare books at a restored colonial plantation, a book collector stumbles across a series of diaries that chronicle an alien visitation in 1781.
Yep - finding the book is POTENTIALLY a catalyst for your story (that certainly sounds like it could be interesting), BUT ... You haven't given your protagonist a goal, or stakes, or an antagonist trying to stop them. Which means there's no story there. AND if the bulk of the story takes place in thRead more
Yep – finding the book is POTENTIALLY a catalyst for your story (that certainly sounds like it could be interesting), BUT …
You haven’t given your protagonist a goal, or stakes, or an antagonist trying to stop them. Which means there’s no story there. AND if the bulk of the story takes place in the past and revolves around the alien visitation, then the book collector probably shouldn’t be your protagonist, because he won’t have any way to influence events in the past, right? He’s sort of more your narrator – it’s a device you’re using to tell the story of another character, your actual protagonist, who lives in 1781. So you need to re-jig this logline.
See lessAn amateur conwoman attempts to manipulate a paranoid ex-con into getting rid of the landlord who's blackmailing her. But as his illness deepens can either of them trust anyone?
Why doesn't the protagonist (I'm assuming the conwoman) just get rid of the landlord herself? What are the stakes - that the landlord is blackmailing the conwoman to get? What is the illness the ex-con has and how does it connect to the story - is it his paranoia? At the moment, you've worded the loRead more
Why doesn’t the protagonist (I’m assuming the conwoman) just get rid of the landlord herself?
What are the stakes – that the landlord is blackmailing the conwoman to get?
What is the illness the ex-con has and how does it connect to the story – is it his paranoia?
At the moment, you’ve worded the logline as though your feature film is the story of one person trying to convince someone to help them for an hour and a half, and once person number 2 agrees to help, the credits will begin rolling.
See lessI am assuming that the BULK of the movie actually revolves around the con that your protagonist and the ex-con actually pull … but the action you’ve assigned your protagonist is “attempting to manipulate” another character. If you could re-write it, what would your protagonist’s ACTUAL goal be? To get rid of the landlord? (Does that mean kill, or have them locked up, or simply lose their job/move to another house?)