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A dysfunctional dad and his rebellious daughter are forced to join each other in a bike race where they battle the establishment and each other relentlessly.
I heard someone explain recently that when you're dealing with a story that has multiple protagonists, your logline should be structured around the character with the biggest change in the story. So, the most compelling character, I guess. I'd recommend re-tooling this logline so that it's presentedRead more
I heard someone explain recently that when you’re dealing with a story that has multiple protagonists, your logline should be structured around the character with the biggest change in the story. So, the most compelling character, I guess. I’d recommend re-tooling this logline so that it’s presented as either the father or the daughter’s story.
In what way is your protagonist forced to take part in a bike race? Who is holding the gun to their head?
“battling the establishment” is too vague a goal. If you created an antagonist who represented the establishment, this could work better.
There is no indication of what is at stake.
See lessWhen a lonely, middle-aged Aussie long-distance truckie finds love online with a city girl, he must overcome his fear of losing what he loves most to win her heart.
I don't mean your script shouldn't specify if your characters are Australian or American, but you shouldn't put it in the logline in this case, because the fact that the character is Australian has no bearing on the character's goal or stakes, and it might mean that some producers would turn your idRead more
I don’t mean your script shouldn’t specify if your characters are Australian or American, but you shouldn’t put it in the logline in this case, because the fact that the character is Australian has no bearing on the character’s goal or stakes, and it might mean that some producers would turn your idea away, because they might not be looking for a film that can ONLY be made in Australia.
See lessIn the city of the future, a young man takes on a series of mind-bending, gladiatorial games to win back the woman he loves. If he dies, she suffers; but to survive, he?ll have to break the city?s only rule.
Agreed with jamesmichael, with the one addition that you should try to find a better way to describe your protagonist than "young man". Is he a rebellious hoodlum? A naive undergrad? Don't waste that word count.
Agreed with jamesmichael, with the one addition that you should try to find a better way to describe your protagonist than “young man”. Is he a rebellious hoodlum? A naive undergrad? Don’t waste that word count.
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