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When a lonely, middle-aged Aussie long-distance truckie finds love online with a city girl, he must overcome his fear of losing what he loves most to win her heart.
You've spent a lot of words describing your protagonist. Can you trim it a little? Give us the flaw and "truckie" (I'd remove Aussie, because you don't want to limit the potential for international interest in the film. The story should be universal). Your wording is confusing - if the goal of the tRead more
You’ve spent a lot of words describing your protagonist. Can you trim it a little? Give us the flaw and “truckie” (I’d remove Aussie, because you don’t want to limit the potential for international interest in the film. The story should be universal).
Your wording is confusing – if the goal of the truckie is to win the affection of the girl, don’t describe him as having found love in the “event” half of the logline; it weakens the stakes.
What does your truckie overcoming his fear look like? At the moment, the “action” half of your logline is too vague.
See lessHoping to win her affection, an emotionally stunted middle-manager plans a 21st birthday party for the sister of his recently deceased best friend.
What if, instead of a rival, I included a deadline to heighten stakes? Something like if the protagonist has returned home specifically for the purposes of comforting his friend's family, and only has a couple weeks? That way there's a ticking clock, and it clarifies the idea of "why pursue this girRead more
What if, instead of a rival, I included a deadline to heighten stakes?
Something like if the protagonist has returned home specifically for the purposes of comforting his friend’s family, and only has a couple weeks? That way there’s a ticking clock, and it clarifies the idea of “why pursue this girl now? Why not just give her a few months to grieve her brother?”
Do you think that could work? I just feel like adding a rival will change the tone of the film?
See lessHoping to win her affection, an emotionally stunted middle-manager plans a 21st birthday party for the sister of his recently deceased best friend.
I'm not sure I follow your question, dpg. The protagonist's best friend has recently died, and the protagonist is romantically interested in the dead guy's sister. That's how it ties in. There is no dead sister. Also, the friend's death provides the catalyst for the story, thus its inclusion in theRead more
I’m not sure I follow your question, dpg.
The protagonist’s best friend has recently died, and the protagonist is romantically interested in the dead guy’s sister. That’s how it ties in. There is no dead sister.
Also, the friend’s death provides the catalyst for the story, thus its inclusion in the logline.
Does that clear things up at all?
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