1. Posted: November 21, 2012In:

    When a privileged na?ve young woman is attacked by an enraged lunatic accusing her of assassinating his wife, her sheltered world comes crashing down around her with the possibility he may be right.

    Paul Clarke Samurai

    Sorry, the start of my reply came up as a separate entry. See below. I like what you say about the goal. But I found it hard to include because in the initial phase of the story she's just on the run. Trying to work out what her life was really about. Very much like the first Bourne, but without theRead more

    Sorry, the start of my reply came up as a separate entry. See below.

    I like what you say about the goal. But I found it hard to include because in the initial phase of the story she’s just on the run. Trying to work out what her life was really about. Very much like the first Bourne, but without the amnesia. Her goals are small, evade one person after another and slowly an overall goal becomes apparent when she works out that she can’t run forever and must face them. Having said that, I’m working on a better description than ‘world crashing down around her’ cliche

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  2. Posted: November 21, 2012In:

    When a privileged na?ve young woman is attacked by an enraged lunatic accusing her of assassinating his wife, her sheltered world comes crashing down around her with the possibility he may be right.

    Paul Clarke Samurai

    Hi Phil. Thanks for the feedback. I was intending her flaw to be the 'naive' part. Ironically you list psychological disorders and she has one. She has severe agoraphobia. But I thought it sounded clunky and pretentious when included in the logline. Instead it's kind of alluded to by describing herRead more

    Hi Phil. Thanks for the feedback.

    I was intending her flaw to be the ‘naive’ part. Ironically you list psychological disorders and she has one. She has severe agoraphobia. But I thought it sounded clunky and pretentious when included in the logline. Instead it’s kind of alluded to by describing her world as sheltered. I would love to hear what people think of including the agoraphobia. Not sure if everyone knows what it is.

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  3. Posted: November 21, 2012In:

    When a privileged na?ve young woman is attacked by an enraged lunatic accusing her of assassinating his wife, her sheltered world comes crashing down around her with the possibility he may be right.

    Paul Clarke Samurai

    Thanks Kriss. I see what you mean. I think naive goes hand in hand with being young. So I'll cut out young.

    Thanks Kriss. I see what you mean. I think naive goes hand in hand with being young. So I’ll cut out young.

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