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"When Paul, a lonely high school student, starts seeing his negative emotions manifest in the form of people he will have to confront the greatest enemy of all: himself."
Interesting. I think we all do this in varying degrees in our own lives which is why it could connect to people.As you have it worded though it might be a bit too existential. I've heard that execs are not keen on 'hero as own worst enemy' stories. The hero's worst quality needs to inhabit the worstRead more
Interesting. I think we all do this in varying degrees in our own lives which is why it could connect to people.As you have it worded though it might be a bit too existential. I’ve heard that execs are not keen on ‘hero as own worst enemy’ stories. The hero’s worst quality needs to inhabit the worst dude who will be his antagonist. Maybe he sees his lesser negative emotions in lesser bad guys but he them meets the guy who manifests his worst inner negativity. Thing is, like I said before, this is what any screenplay about almost anything should be about on the ‘inner journey’ level. If you are proposing, for comic effect, to externalize this internal symbolism, then it could work but you would be writing a farcical comedy because your observations would be obvious rather than allowing the audience to discover the subtext. I think this can definitely be done and has been. Like any comedy though, it is a fine line between the “on the nose yes of course we know that is what that person/ thing means” and a witty angle on the obvious that doesn’t make us cringe.
WARNING- STORY SUGGESTION: what if the man’s negative emotions are about women. What if he meets one great woman after another but he rejects each one for some fault he hates– and that fault is something that exists inside of him. His objective is to meet the right woman but then he is his own worst enemy. It becomes a romantic comedy.
Possibilities here 🙂 Enjoyed thinking about it. Peace and good luck!
See lessBen George is a shy freshman kid who's father works for NASA to support himself after his wife dies so Ben meets up with two juniors who bond with him and also help him work out his relationship with his father.
Your logline paints a strange picture of the dad. He 'took a job to support himself after his wife dies? So his wife was rich and he didn't have to work before she died? Ok, that could happen. But the job he does "to support himself" is not waiting tables or at a car wash... it's at NASA? So this guRead more
Your logline paints a strange picture of the dad.
He ‘took a job to support himself after his wife dies? So his wife was rich and he didn’t have to work before she died? Ok, that could happen.
But the job he does “to support himself” is not waiting tables or at a car wash… it’s at NASA? So this guy is REALLY smart but he was married to a rich woman so he was loafing about wasting his talents until the day she died? Ok, I guess that could happen…
But do you see the questions this logline is raising in my head? Those are not the kinds of questions you want to illicit. You want to give the reader a sense of a clear problem, a hero to solve it, a bad guy who wants to stop him, and the consequences if the hero fails. This will make the reader ask the question they are dying to know the answer to…what happens next? 🙂
See lessAn ailing country town convinces Kevin Costner to sing at the close of their rodeo. When an accident happens, Kevin thinks he is the 'Bodyguard'. Policeman WIlliam William an Indigenous man, worn down, angry and hungry for a transfer has to 'watch him' and find a cure before the end of the day. (PS would use a lookalike Kevin Costner)
I agree with Jeff- a confusing logline. Simplify. Also, you have two good guys in your logline, albeit one who is delusional. You need an antagonist who threatens what the good guy wants. Remember the general formula/ elements for a logline: - something bad happens - a flawed hero has to take actionRead more
I agree with Jeff- a confusing logline. Simplify. Also, you have two good guys in your logline, albeit one who is delusional. You need an antagonist who threatens what the good guy wants. Remember the general formula/ elements for a logline:
– something bad happens
– a flawed hero has to take action to rectify the situation
– but he must learn to overcome his flaw first
– so he can stop the bad guy from making the worst thing that can happen, happen
I highly recommend reading Blake Snyder’s book ‘Save the Cat’ for a guide on how to do this. Even better is his follow up book, Save the Cat Strikes Back.
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