1. Posted: June 27, 2013In:

    When a young boy concludes rising sea levels will sink his dream island Tasmania, he must engage all strength to swim and fly to his paradise before time runs out.

    Blue Parrot

    If it's a comedy, I think you need to give us more of a sense of that in the logline. if it's a drama.... wouldn't the inhabitants of Tasmania be fleeing for their lives?

    If it’s a comedy, I think you need to give us more of a sense of that in the logline.

    if it’s a drama…. wouldn’t the inhabitants of Tasmania be fleeing for their lives?

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  2. Posted: October 14, 2012In:

    When a policeman\'s family is kidnapped by a sadistic crime lord he must kill the chief of police, his father in law, to save them.

    Blue Parrot

    Since not all cops are honest, it might not be superfulous and might even highten the tension to refer to the hero as an 'honest cop' or some other adjective that suggests the same. Otherwise it sounds like a solid premise for a cop film. Could the 'sadistic crime lord' be a corrupt politician insteRead more

    Since not all cops are honest, it might not be superfulous and might even highten the tension to refer to the hero as an ‘honest cop’ or some other adjective that suggests the same. Otherwise it sounds like a solid premise for a cop film. Could the ‘sadistic crime lord’ be a corrupt politician instead? Just trying to think of some kind of twist on the cop vs mafia thing 🙂

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  3. Posted: September 21, 2012In:

    An inexperienced lawyer becomes the centre of a hate campaign when his client is accused of hiding an identity that once brought a reign of terror to the world.

    Blue Parrot

    I see where Richiev is going but my first reaction is based on story choices, e.g. why would the Devil choose an inexperienced lawyer to be his council? There may be a good reason in your story but in the logline it pulled me up. Also, I think the conflict "he becomes the center of a hate campaign"Read more

    I see where Richiev is going but my first reaction is based on story choices, e.g. why would the Devil choose an inexperienced lawyer to be his council? There may be a good reason in your story but in the logline it pulled me up. Also, I think the conflict “he becomes the center of a hate campaign” is a bit amorphous. You need a singular antagonist for us to recognize the stakes. Memories of “The Devil’s Advocate” come up for me. That created irony with an “idealistic lawyer” discovering he is working for the devil. In your story I think you could up the irony by making the lawyer’s father a preacher. In that way the father-son relationship in the story is rich with possibilities as the son battles the devil.

    It’s just semantics but I would be tempted to use the term ‘Lucifer’ instead of Devil. You have a seedling of an idea with promise. Best of luck!!

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