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Secretly responsible for his best friends fatal fall, a selfish alcoholic, on the verge of relapse, must return to his hometown to help save his dead friends wife from her own self-destruction, or forever be imprisoned by his tormenting thoughts.
This could be a good story! I believe its a bit to long though (not the story, but the logline :). You have 40 words. Try to cut it down to 25-30 words. Is it possible to find an Antagonist in this (that might be himself?). Maybe its possible to invent an antagonist inform of the ghost of his dead fRead more
This could be a good story! I believe its a bit to long though (not the story, but the logline :). You have 40 words. Try to cut it down to 25-30 words. Is it possible to find an Antagonist in this (that might be himself?). Maybe its possible to invent an antagonist inform of the ghost of his dead friend (representing his tormenting thoughts) or something?
Without knowing your story I give it a try. I also changed best friend to friend, since we can assume that it might be the only friend.
“Responsible for his friend’s death, a selfish alcoholic on the verge of relapse, must return to his hometown to help save the mourning widow from self-destruction, or forever be imprisoned by a tormenting past”
I did’t make it under 30 words, but you get the picture.
See lessWhen his pregnant wife is murdered, a grieving husband must kill the man responsible before joining her in the afterlife.
Like mmckean says this logline lacks something. Nothing is at risk here since he will die even if he tries or not. Also he won't get her back revenging the murder? Not knowing your story I could come up with a new one that would put something at stake. "When an african tribal priest pregnant wife geRead more
Like mmckean says this logline lacks something. Nothing is at risk here since he will die even if he tries or not. Also he won’t get her back revenging the murder? Not knowing your story I could come up with a new one that would put something at stake.
“When an african tribal priest pregnant wife gets killed, he must obey the gods by revenge the killing to secure a place with his beloved in the afterlife”
See lessAfter waking up human, the former Angel of Darkness recruits a supernatural team to steal Pandora's Box from Lucifer.
I would add something about "why" Angel of darkness needs the box. I guess he/she want power? If you add an "must" or "need" in the logline you could express the importance of why the Angel needs to form a supernatural team. It also forms a reaction to the first "after waking up as human" After wakiRead more
I would add something about “why” Angel of darkness needs the box. I guess he/she want power?
If you add an “must” or “need” in the logline you could express the importance of why the Angel needs to form a supernatural team. It also forms a reaction to the first “after waking up as human”
After waking up human, the former angel of Darkness must get his power back by…
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