1. Posted: October 11, 2019In:

    When she allows her husband’s overdose, a neglectful young mother must embark on a journey of recovery or risk losing her children to the system forever.

    Richiev Singularity

    I think the idea is solid but the opening line needs to be changed because people are responsible for their own sobriety, so I don't understand how she could 'allow' her husband to overdose. "When her husband's overdose wakes her up, an addicted mother enters rehab determined that her children won'tRead more

    I think the idea is solid but the opening line needs to be changed because people are responsible for their own sobriety, so I don’t understand how she could ‘allow’ her husband to overdose.

    “When her husband’s overdose wakes her up, an addicted mother enters rehab determined that her children won’t lose their mom as well”

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  2. Posted: October 6, 2019In:

    (4th revision) 3000 BC: a hybrid child, despised by the world, is adopted by a genie; causing his stepfater’s damnation, he must redeem himself and become the god of the dead, Anubis.

    Richiev Singularity

    Scott, I was reading previous versions, and I believe the hybrid is that of, half-wolf, half-human. But it isn't explained well in this version.Also, not sure how the main character being adopted leads to his stepfather's damnation, the correlation between the two events isn't easy to see and also nRead more

    Scott, I was reading previous versions, and I believe the hybrid is that of, half-wolf, half-human. But it isn’t explained well in this version.

    Also, not sure how the main character being adopted leads to his stepfather’s damnation, the correlation between the two events isn’t easy to see and also not explained.

    But I do think the story is interesting. And I think if the logline were as interesting as the story, it would definitely help sell this.

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  3. Posted: October 1, 2019In:

    When a bullied classmate turns up drowned, meek hall monitor must team up with their high school tormentor in order to catch the culprit.

    Richiev Singularity

    I get the story, however, I think it could be told a little better-----------------------------------------------------------------------------"When his best friend is murdered, a meek hall monitor must team with the school bully, who's the police's chief suspect, in order to find the real killer."

    I get the story, however, I think it could be told a little better

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    “When his best friend is murdered, a meek hall monitor must team with the school bully, who’s the police’s chief suspect, in order to find the real killer.”

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