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250 Years into the future, the US and others have shied more and more from democracy. A Young Man working for NASA is chosen to be part of a team mission to explore a new planet found far away that could potentially be a new home for humans, away from corrupt governments and war. The discoveries he and his team make will change them forever.
From reading this logline, this seems more like the set-up to the story; (The back story) than the story itself. I could be wrong, but the story seems to be about the lead character and his team exploring the new planet, If that is the case that's what the logline should be about.
From reading this logline, this seems more like the set-up to the story; (The back story) than the story itself.
I could be wrong, but the story seems to be about the lead character and his team exploring the new planet, If that is the case that’s what the logline should be about.
See lessA young man who’s a first generation Mexican-American citizen falls in love with a beautiful Syrian refugee, their love Must overcome her strict Muslim family and all the cultural gaps between their two worlds…
The good news is, I can tell what the story is about from reading the logline (That isn't true of every logline I read on this site) Where this logline could improve: first: I would drop the leads age from the logline, instead I would add an adjective to give us a glimpse of the leads character. SecRead more
The good news is, I can tell what the story is about from reading the logline (That isn’t true of every logline I read on this site)
Where this logline could improve:
first: I would drop the leads age from the logline, instead I would add an adjective to give us a glimpse of the leads character.
Second: I think the weakest part of the logline is when you say “Must overcome” I am not sure what that means in practical terms. Does it mean they must endure, or does it mean they have a course of action to change the Muslim fathers mind? If it’s the latter you should tell us how they plan on changing the fathers mind, (How they must overcome) instead of the more vague, ?that they just, ‘must overcome’
However I do believe this logline is close to what you want. Whatever advice you get, think small changes, not a complete re-write.
Looks like an interesting story.
See lessWhen an alcoholic son discovers his father gets occasionally possessed by a harmful evil spirit, he must protect his family from danger that threatens them and then find a way to stop it for good.
You don't need to say 'son' if you mention 'his father' "When an alcoholic discovers his father..." Also Nir's logline attempt is solid.
You don’t need to say ‘son’ if you mention ‘his father’
“When an alcoholic discovers his father…”
Also Nir’s logline attempt is solid.
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