1. Posted: September 13, 2013In:

    Upon discovering that a distress signal is a rouse to lure unsuspecting ships into a deadly trap, the crew of a fishing trawler must fight for their lives to escape a crazed clan of cannibalistic hermits.

    Richiev Singularity

    We know there can't be a clan of cannibalistic hermits because: 1) A hermit is a loner, an individual who lives alone. 2) A clan is a group of people who all live together, You can't have a clan of hermits. (Cannibalistic or not) one thing negates the other. So a reader reading this will ask, how caRead more

    We know there can’t be a clan of cannibalistic hermits because:

    1) A hermit is a loner, an individual who lives alone.
    2) A clan is a group of people who all live together,

    You can’t have a clan of hermits. (Cannibalistic or not) one thing negates the other.

    So a reader reading this will ask, how can there be a ‘clan’ of ‘hermits’ and it will take away from the overall logline.

    I would say something along the lines of “a reclusive clan of cannibals” and it will improve your logline greatly.

    Hope that helped, good luck with this!

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  2. Posted: September 13, 2013In:

    Upon discovering that a distress signal is a rouse to lure unsuspecting ships into a deadly trap, the crew of a fishing trawler must fight for their lives to escape a crazed clan of cannibalistic hermits.

    Richiev Singularity

    There is a major flaw in this logline; there is no such thing as 'a clan of cannibalistic hermits' because of that the rest of the logline falls apart. I would change that part and the logline will improve drastically Hope that helped, good luck with this!

    There is a major flaw in this logline; there is no such thing as ‘a clan of cannibalistic hermits’

    because of that the rest of the logline falls apart.

    I would change that part and the logline will improve drastically

    Hope that helped, good luck with this!

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  3. Posted: September 10, 2013In:

    To get the girl of his dreams a timid momma?s boy must team up with the local cat burglar, but her unorthodox methods put more than his love life at risk.

    Richiev Singularity

    Thanks for the clarification Paul: In this logline, it reads as if he's teaming up to "Steal" something in order to win the girls heart. How about this: "After a mama's boy discovers the identity of a cocky cat burglar, she agrees to become his Cyrano for his silence." OK mines not quite there (NotRead more

    Thanks for the clarification Paul: In this logline, it reads as if he’s teaming up to “Steal” something in order to win the girls heart.

    How about this: “After a mama’s boy discovers the identity of a cocky cat burglar, she agrees to become his Cyrano for his silence.”

    OK mines not quite there (Not sure if cocky is the right adjective) but hope this helps.

    Good luck with this!

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