1. Posted: October 11, 2020In:

    A defence company sales manager discovers that his division manager has built a bribery mechanism inside the company and he needs to stop them before they will be able to fire him

    Best Answer
    Richiev Singularity

    I am not sure the stakes are high enough. A defense company would sell weapons, perhaps even bombs, helicopters, assault weapons, military drones. Why would they take bribes? To make money selling guns to organizations on the terrorist watch list. In other words, if an unscrupulous organization bribRead more

    I am not sure the stakes are high enough.

    A defense company would sell weapons, perhaps even bombs, helicopters, assault weapons, military drones.

    Why would they take bribes?
    To make money selling guns to organizations on the terrorist watch list.

    In other words, if an unscrupulous organization bribes the division manager, his boss has a secret mechanism to discretely sell weapons to terrorist organizations. The Bad guys.

    Now the lead discovers what’s going on.

    He thought he worked for the good guys, but instead, he works for the very people supplying terrorists.

    The story would be what the lead character does about it. What actions the lead takes to stop his manager.

    It could be the lead risks his life gathering evidence in order to go to the authorities and become a whistleblower.

    But the stakes should be higher than the lead just worrying he will lose his job.

    Just some thoughts,
    Hope this helps.

    See less
    • 0
  2. Posted: October 11, 2020In:

    An environmentalist-turned-hitman wants to retire, but he knows his controller, who is also his best friend and business partner, will betray him and have him killed.

    Richiev Singularity

    I messed up C. It should say, C: The Goal... and so on (But there is no edit button)

    I messed up C. It should say, C: The Goal… and so on (But there is no edit button)

    See less
    • 0
  3. Posted: October 11, 2020In:

    An environmentalist-turned-hitman wants to retire, but he knows his controller, who is also his best friend and business partner, will betray him and have him killed.

    Richiev Singularity

    This sounds like a set-up to the story but not the story itself. The story would be the Hitman executing a well thought out plan to escape the business all while trying to evade his controller best friend, who is out to give him the ultimate retirement. I do like the premise. I can see his best frieRead more

    This sounds like a set-up to the story but not the story itself.

    The story would be the Hitman executing a well thought out plan to escape the business all while trying to evade his controller best friend, who is out to give him the ultimate retirement.

    I do like the premise. I can see his best friend, the controller saying, “Why are you making me do this, you knew there was no way out when you joined the company” (That sort of thing)
    —–
    A: You need a very strong inciting incident (And that incident should be in the logline)

    B: Stakes: Death

    C: Inciting incident: The goal needs to be something the hitman would risk death to fight for.

    Perhaps the hitman discovers he has a kid. (A daughter perhaps) Suddenly he realized he wants to be there for her.

    But he can’t just quit his job, There are no ‘retired’ hitmen, and as much as he and his best friend care about each other, his best friend must go after the lead if he tries to escape the company. That is simply the code.

    Good luck with this!!!

    Possible Title: The Code

    See less
    • 0