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A witty young man resists showing affection, but when his old friend turns out to be in dire need, he must let his emotional guard down.
Two issues with wording 1: "When his old friend turns out to be in dire need." Be specific. When his old friend angers the Mob. When his old friend is diagnosed with cancer when his old friend becomes addicted to hentai. What specifically is his old friend's dire need of? 2: "He must let his emotionRead more
Two issues with wording
1: “When his old friend turns out to be in dire need.” Be specific.
When his old friend angers the Mob.
When his old friend is diagnosed with cancer
when his old friend becomes addicted to hentai.
What specifically is his old friend’s dire need of?
2: “He must let his emotional guard down?” So, letting his emotional guard down will solve his friend’s dire need? How does letting your emotional guard down solve someone’s specific problem?
I owe a bookie 50k… I will solve this by letting down my emotional guard?
I am on trial for murder… I can solve this problem by letting down my emotional guard.
I am in dire need because I can’t read… No problem this can be solved by me letting down my emotional guard.
What specifically must the lead do to solve his friend’s dire problem????
See lessIn the middle of Nazi Germany, a shy girl and her imaginary monster try to rescue her father, who has disappeared.
I think this logline is solid because any questions I might have will probably be answered during the course of the story. Character: Shy Girl Goal: Rescue/Find her father Outer Obstical: Nazi's Inner Obstacle: She's shy but must go outside Twist: There is an imaginary monster
I think this logline is solid because any questions I might have will probably be answered during the course of the story.
Character: Shy Girl
See lessGoal: Rescue/Find her father
Outer Obstical: Nazi’s
Inner Obstacle: She’s shy but must go outside
Twist: There is an imaginary monster
A team of intrepid explorers develop the first faster than light drive to take humanity to the stars. The only thing in their way is humanity itself.
Hey, this second attempt is better! You don't have to use actual names unless the person if famous. So you could say "An (adjective) inventor and his intrepid team struggle to..." The "adjective" would be something to describe the lead character's personality. I can visualize the plot from this re-wRead more
Hey, this second attempt is better!
You don’t have to use actual names unless the person if famous. So you could say “An (adjective) inventor and his intrepid team struggle to…”
The “adjective” would be something to describe the lead character’s personality.
I can visualize the plot from this re-write.
See less