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After his daughter who is a schoolteacher disappeared unexpectedly, a police officer has 3 hours to stop terrorists from blowing up the U.S. Capitol building.
The terrorists part sort of comes out of nowhere. 1: You start with his daughter disappearing, so you think that's what the story will be about. 2: Then you tell us the police officer committed a robbery. Okay, so that is what the story is about. 3: Then out of nowhere, you say he must stop some terRead more
The terrorists part sort of comes out of nowhere.
1: You start with his daughter disappearing, so you think that’s what the story will be about.
2: Then you tell us the police officer committed a robbery. Okay, so that is what the story is about.
3: Then out of nowhere, you say he must stop some terrorists.
So my logline suggestion would be, to explain how these three seemingly separate events relate to the ultimate goal of the lead character.
See lessWhen a gigantic firestorm burns through a family’s horse ranch in October 2003, the miracles it leaves behind bring Grant, an accomplished physicist, to the brink of believing in something more powerful than science.
A logline should tell the reader who's the lead character, what they want, and what's standing in their way. Because I don't know what your lead character wants, it's difficult to tell what the story is about. I can see it has something to do with magic apples, but not sure what the magic apples doRead more
A logline should tell the reader who’s the lead character, what they want, and what’s standing in their way.
Because I don’t know what your lead character wants, it’s difficult to tell what the story is about.
I can see it has something to do with magic apples, but not sure what the magic apples do nor what the lead character plans on doing with the magic apples now that he has them.
Anyway, this is just a critique of the logline, not the story itself.
See lessWhen two wannabe American Pickers accidentally release a demon from the strange storage unit they just won, they must track down the eccentric billionaire who reneged on the payment to discover what the creature was and how to stop the thing.
Great advice, thanks
Great advice, thanks
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