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Losing his eyesight gradually due to a rare disease, an introverted painter hurries to finish his last painting to participate in an important exhibition going trough an existential crisis.
What people are seeing is this.-------1: You have a painter (Lead character)2: Who is losing his eyesight (Specific problem)3: Attempting to finish his painting before he completely loses his eyesight (Goal)A great idea, I can visualize the story.Also; even though I am not a painter I can understandRead more
What people are seeing is this.
——-
1: You have a painter (Lead character)
2: Who is losing his eyesight (Specific problem)
3: Attempting to finish his painting before he completely loses his eyesight (Goal)
A great idea, I can visualize the story.
Also; even though I am not a painter I can understand the plight of the lead character. Great!
?
“…going through an existential crisis”
Huh?
I don’t know what that looks like on screen.
1: Going blind isn’t existential
2: But if it’s not about going blind, You haven’t given us anything hints as to what the existential crisis is about.
It comes out of nowhere, we can’t visualize it and doesn’t give us any hints on how it will affect the plot
——
Conclusion: Leave the existential crisis in the story if it’s vital, but I would drop it from the logline (Unless the crisis can be summed up in two or three words)
?
However, that is just an opinion.
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Where is the conflict? And what are the stakes?
Where is the conflict?
And what are the stakes?
See lessAfter being built as a cyborg by a fellow vampire, a young woman must race against time to kill vampires who tries to invade her town so that she can be human again.
This logline is written in an odd order. elements are there, and I can see, Robocop meets Buffy the vampire slayer.But there are elements missing as well. Who is the overall bad guy, the person who turned her into a cyborg? A big bad vampire?What is the lead character's goal? Is it to kill a specifiRead more
This logline is written in an odd order. elements are there, and I can see, Robocop meets Buffy the vampire slayer.
But there are elements missing as well. Who is the overall bad guy, the person who turned her into a cyborg? A big bad vampire?
What is the lead character’s goal? Is it to kill a specific vampire or to find a way to become human again?
And how does this make her a ‘ticking time bomb? Is this literal or figurative, I can’t tell from reading the logline.
See less