1. Posted: April 6, 2020In:

    After killing its progeny as part of an initiation hunting family ritual, a man and his teenage son must protect themselves from a horrid beast that hunts in the dark and feeds upon human skin.

    Richiev Singularity

    I had to read this one twice.After killing its progeny as part of an initiation hunting family ritual... When I read this the first time I thought the hunter had killed one of his own sons as part of a family hunting ritual.The second time around I realized the father and son killed the beasts progeRead more

    I had to read this one twice.

    After killing its progeny as part of an initiation hunting family ritual… When I read this the first time I thought the hunter had killed one of his own sons as part of a family hunting ritual.

    The second time around I realized the father and son killed the beasts progeny.

    As a result, I would change the beginning line to make the logline more clear

    An example:

    “When they kill the progeny of a horrid beast that hunts in the dark and feeds upon human skin. A father and son must…”

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  2. Posted: April 6, 2020In:

    After receiving a private invite to compete,? five amateur cooks find themselves trapped by elite cannibals and must cook to win in order to survive.

    Best Answer
    Richiev Singularity

    You should give us a lead character (instead of 5) and hint at what their goal is.Because as written, it appears the goal is to win the cannibal cooking competition. (The C.C.C. ?)However that doesn't seem likely, Escape would probably be a better goal.Or to put it another way, 'Survive' is kinda aRead more

    You should give us a lead character (instead of 5) and hint at what their goal is.

    Because as written, it appears the goal is to win the cannibal cooking competition. (The C.C.C. ?)

    However that doesn’t seem likely, Escape would probably be a better goal.

    Or to put it another way, ‘Survive’ is kinda a passive goal. It can work sometimes, like in the first Hunger Games. So I wouldn’t completely say it couldn’t be the goal but, fight or escape are far more interesting goals.

    Anyway, not a bad premise with a many different directions the story could easily go.

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  3. Posted: April 6, 2020In:

    An alluring Irish banker who is terminally ill must race against time to convince her ex-boyfriend and American baseball star that her 10-year-old daughter is his.

    Richiev Singularity

    Pretty solid logline and a good storyline. As for the rest, the reader will have to assume that there will be obstacles placed in the lead characters' way that prevent her from simply calling him up.

    Pretty solid logline and a good storyline.

    As for the rest, the reader will have to assume that there will be obstacles placed in the lead characters’ way that prevent her from simply calling him up.

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