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After eviction, a desperate widow departs with her step-kids to seek her ultra-rich ascetic brother, meditating somewhere in the woods of India before [the ticking clock event]
Adding a ticking clock to the logline is a great way to ramp up the tension.But just saying there is a ticking clock isn't exactly what people mean by a ticking clock.Here would be an example of a ticking clock:"When the bank gives? her thirty days to pay the mortgage or be evicted..."
Adding a ticking clock to the logline is a great way to ramp up the tension.
But just saying there is a ticking clock isn’t exactly what people mean by a ticking clock.
Here would be an example of a ticking clock:
See less“When the bank gives? her thirty days to pay the mortgage or be evicted…”
A future Test-Pilot stranded at the fare side of the Galaxy trying to find a way home while solving the mystery of a black planet.
Normally the word 'Stranded' is a good word to use. If someone is 'stranded' on a desert island, we get a picture of the situation. But in the specific case of this logline, you need just a word or two more. I decided to think, off the top of my head, reasons why a pilot might be stranded. 1: His spRead more
Normally the word ‘Stranded‘ is a good word to use. If someone is ‘stranded‘ on a desert island, we get a picture of the situation.
But in the specific case of this logline, you need just a word or two more.
I decided to think, off the top of my head, reasons why a pilot might be stranded.
1: His spaceship ran out of fuel.
2: His spaceship broke down.
3: His spaceship blew up.
4: He was captured by aliens
5: The mysterious black planet interfered with the workings of his spaceship.
Since the mysterious black planet seems to be the hook of your story, I would go with number 4 and connect why he is stranded directly to the mysterious black planet.
See lessNow the lead must explore the black planet if he is to stop the interference and complete his goal of getting home.
A future Test-Pilot stranded at the fare side of the Galaxy trying to find a way home while solving the mystery of a black planet.
The term, "A future Test-Pilot" could be read two different ways, might want to change that for clarity.Because no matter how illogical it may seem, if a sentence can be read the 'wrong' way, it will be.
The term, “A future Test-Pilot” could be read two different ways, might want to change that for clarity.
See lessBecause no matter how illogical it may seem, if a sentence can be read the ‘wrong’ way, it will be.