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When an abused blind orphaned boy discovers his magical powers, he struggles to stop a megalomeniac businessman with intent to obliterate his kingdom and his people.
I am not really a fan of the word 'struggles' in a logline ---- "A blind orphan must use his newfound magic powers to stop a megalomaniac from obliterating his kingdom." ---- By the way, is there a reason why a businessman would want to obliterate a kingdom? A businessman by nature would need peopleRead more
I am not really a fan of the word ‘struggles’ in a logline
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“A blind orphan must use his newfound magic powers to stop a megalomaniac from obliterating his kingdom.”
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By the way, is there a reason why a businessman would want to obliterate a kingdom? A businessman by nature would need people to buy his products. If everyone is dead there is no one to do business with.
In other words, a businessman would want a healthy kingdom not a destroyed kingdom.
That doesn’t mean you villain wouldn’t act that way, but a couple of words in the logline explaining why destroying the kingdom would be in the businessman’s best self-interest would help the logline.
Anyway sounds like an interesting concept, good luck with this.
See lessA boy must save the magic in an alternate universe or have his own universe destroyed.
There are a few elements that if added to the logline in a concise manner would improve it. 1 What is threatening to destroy our universe. (Or the lead character's universe) This will help us understand the overall problem and also the stakes. 2 You say 'a boy' but what special powers does the boy hRead more
There are a few elements that if added to the logline in a concise manner would improve it.
1 What is threatening to destroy our universe. (Or the lead character’s universe) This will help us understand the overall problem and also the stakes.
2 You say ‘a boy’ but what special powers does the boy have so that we will know why it must be him that goes on this quest… (And it must be done in a word or two) When a “magically adept” boy (For instance)
3 How do the two universes connect? If the threat is in this universe why must he go into a different universe to save it?
Anyway, I believe adding these specifics will help the logline as long as they don’t add too much to the overall word count.
See lessBloodlust
"When a resurrection spell raises his dead wife as a vampire, a desperate farmer must..." (Then tell us what he must do)
“When a resurrection spell raises his dead wife as a vampire, a desperate farmer must…” (Then tell us what he must do)
See less