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Is it interesting? For non climbing audience
{In the Italian Alps, a frightened American kid is pushed to learn how to ice climbing.}---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------It's hard to say if the story would be interesting to non-climbers because your logline (As written) is notRead more
{In the Italian Alps, a frightened American kid is pushed to learn how to ice climbing.}
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It’s hard to say if the story would be interesting to non-climbers because your logline (As written) is not yet a story: It is more of a situation.
1: A story needs a lead character… Frightened American Kid (So we have a lead character in your logline)
2: Then something happens, this is the inciting incident… We don’t at this point what that incident is; what causes the kids to go to the Alps in the first place. (This event is very important for a logline to have)
3: The inciting incident causes the lead character to have a goal… Again, we don’t know what’s the goal of your lead character. (A goal is a must for a logline, without a goal there is no story)
4: Then there is something or someone standing in the way of that goal… You say the kid is ‘pushed’ but fail to tell us who is pushing the kid… This would be the antagonist. (Story is conflict, telling us who is standing in the way of the kid’s goal is a must for the logline)
Anyway, once these elements are added to the logline, the logline will be far more likely to hook the reader.
Finally: A logline isn’t really about finding out if a reader is interested in the story. It’s about selling the story to the reader.
A logline condenses your story to its basic elements in a compelling way that forces the reader to sit up and take notice.
So when you write a logline, you should think like a salesman not like a survey taker. (And like anything it just takes practice)
Hope this helps.
See lessVERSION A: “Consumed by fear of his impending mortality, a 31-year-old man race against time to break an ancient curse that kills all males in his lineage by age 32.” VERSION B: “A 31-year-old man races against time to break an ancient curse that kills all males in his lineage by age 32.”
Is there a step in the middle that you could add to the logline. Does he have to acquire?an ancient spellbook? Locate a reclusive Shaman Learn the secret mystical dance of HokieyPokey Also, you don't really have an inciting incident. I mean personally, if my family was cursed and everyone died at 32Read more
Is there a step in the middle that you could add to the logline.
Does he have to acquire?an ancient spellbook?
Locate a reclusive Shaman
Learn the secret mystical dance of HokieyPokey
Also, you don’t really have an inciting incident.
I mean personally, if my family was cursed and everyone died at 32. I would have started searching for the cure at 18 years old.
Why does he wait so long to try to lift the curse? Your lead is cutting it kind of close.
In other words, what sets your?lead character in motion to find a way to lift the curse will be your inciting incident and should be in the logline.
See lessSet in the year 1693: When they flee the Salem witch trials and end up in the land of the Wendigo, a naive Witch must use the dangerous power of the Black Flame in order to protect her and her sisters from ferocious demon.
What is the lead character's goal? Is it to destroy the demon and stay in the land of Wendigo, or is it to escape the land of windigo and get back to the real world?
What is the lead character’s goal?
Is it to destroy the demon and stay in the land of Wendigo, or is it to escape the land of windigo and get back to the real world?
See less