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An wanderer and a space princess must stop an evil emperor from having their town by ecologists in order to protect the environment.
An wanderer and a space princess must stop an evil emperor from having their town by ecologists. ----- I believe the purpose of a logline isn't just to convey a story in a concise manner, but also to see if the writer can write one single compelling sentence. After all, a script or book is basicallyRead more
An wanderer and a space princess must stop an evil emperor from having their town by ecologists.
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I believe the purpose of a logline isn’t just to convey a story in a concise manner, but also to see if the writer can write one single compelling sentence.
After all, a script or book is basically a series of compelling sentences, that when strung together, tell an equally compelling story.
Therefore, before anything else, I would first make sure that your logline is the best sentence you can possibly write.
Anyway, just some thoughts, Hope this helped!
(BTW, I can’t tell from logline whether this is for the Edger Rice Burroughs story, ‘Princess of Mars’ or your own original story with the same name)
See lessWhen fantasy characters invade the big city’s system, a frustrated dreamer must deal his imaginary robot girlfriend came to life, but when she remembers being someone who was kidnapped years ago by the head of organized crime, they must team up to unravel the mysteries of the other characters past lifes by using brute force and a two-faced mask to cover their insecurities.
I am put off by the fact the robot is his imaginary girlfriend. So she exists in his imagination. This seems to take away from the stakes. Perhaps he is a lonely guy who saves up his money for the newest model of girlfriend robot. But the girlfriend robot begins having memories of being kidnapped, aRead more
I am put off by the fact the robot is his imaginary girlfriend. So she exists in his imagination. This seems to take away from the stakes.
Perhaps he is a lonely guy who saves up his money for the newest model of girlfriend robot.
But the girlfriend robot begins having memories of being kidnapped, and neither he nor she understands why. This mystery leads to the rest of your story.
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BTW, the robot’s awakening memories of being kidnapped seem to be what sets this story in motion, and as a result, that incident should be put squarely at the beginning of your logline.
See lessSeeing his wife’s ghost each morning for breakfast a man becomes vigilante after the police decide to stop investigating her murder.
This logline needs to be shuffled around a little bit, the way it reads, it sounds like seeing his wife's ghost is the inciting incident when really it is the police stopping the investigation. So all the elements are here, but just in a slightly jumbled order. ----- After the police end the investiRead more
This logline needs to be shuffled around a little bit, the way it reads, it sounds like seeing his wife’s ghost is the inciting incident when really it is the police stopping the investigation.
So all the elements are here, but just in a slightly jumbled order.
See less—–
After the police end the investigation into his wife’s murder, a man haunted by her ghost becomes a vigilante, determined to find her killer.”