1. Posted: June 27, 2018In:

    When he finds himself in the friend zone with the girl of his dreams his senior year of high school, a beta male must climb his way out of this inescapable trap before his Cinderella is stolen from him?.

    Richiev Singularity

    I would start by adding what specific action the lead character must take to get himself out of the friend zone. for instance, does he challenge the toughest bully in school to a fight? Also, I would drop the line "inescapable trap" since it makes no sense. (After all, if the trap is inescapable, hoRead more

    I would start by adding what specific action the lead character must take to get himself out of the friend zone. for instance, does he challenge the toughest bully in school to a fight?

    Also, I would drop the line “inescapable trap” since it makes no sense. (After all, if the trap is inescapable, how can he escape?)

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  2. Posted: June 26, 2018In:

    In the distant future: When a naive teen joins the army, his over-protective biker brother must enlist, go through the harsh training, and find the boy so that he can get him out before they’re sent to battle against nightmarish aliens.

    Richiev Singularity

    Overprotective is normally a negative trait, and since you are using that as the lead character's motivation, it may be difficult for the audience to pull for the lead character to succeed.Think of saving private Ryan. The mom has lost son after son until private Ryan is the only son left Now we havRead more

    Overprotective is normally a negative trait, and since you are using that as the lead character’s motivation, it may be difficult for the audience to pull for the lead character to succeed.

    Think of saving private Ryan.
    The mom has lost son after son until private Ryan is the only son left
    Now we have a motivation the audience can feel. We want? Tom Hanks to succeed in saving the kid.

    Why do we want the lead character to succeed?

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  3. Posted: June 26, 2018In:

    When an impromptu business trip to Tokyo threatens his last chance with his dream girl, a resourceful romantic must find a way to go ahead with the date from 6000 miles away or risk losing her forever.

    Richiev Singularity

    I will add to what has already been said: What are the stakes? What bad thing will happen if he does not give her a date she will never forget? For this concept to work the date must mean 'everything' to the lead character.? (And that importance must come through in the logline) That being said, I dRead more

    I will add to what has already been said:

    What are the stakes? What bad thing will happen if he does not give her a date she will never forget?
    For this concept to work the date must mean ‘everything’ to the lead character.? (And that importance must come through in the logline)

    That being said, I do like the concept and believe there is a story to be told that could be interesting.

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