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To motivate himself to get back into shape, a former college athlete proposes to his off & on girlfriend , only to find out she only said yes to impress her to woo her high school sweetheart.
You have two characters in this logline, the problem is, neither one is likable. You can have a character do unattractive things, but there must be a reason to want them to succeed. == Here is an attempt to make the lead character more likable. ----- "When he is ridiculed by his class for being fat,Read more
You have two characters in this logline, the problem is, neither one is likable.
See lessYou can have a character do unattractive things, but there must be a reason to want them to succeed.
==
Here is an attempt to make the lead character more likable.
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“When he is ridiculed by his class for being fat, a nerdy high school gym teacher; determined to get in shape, asks his on again off again girlfriend to marry him, but when he finds out she is secretly in love with his former high school rival, he vows to lose fifty pounds and prove he is the man.”
==
Unfortunately, my attempt has two inciting incidents. Here is a second attempt that tries to narrow down the logline a bit
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“When he discovers his fiance is secretly in love with his high school rival, a nerdy science teacher vows to lose fifty pounds and prove that he is the man.”
After an impromptu one-night stand during a Christmas Eve blizzard en route to her mother?s house, a struggling-with-life woman finds herself spending the holiday with her drunken stranger and his family while she waits out the storm.
"After a one night stand, a relation-phobic marriage counselor is trapped by a blizzard with her impromptu lover and his family at Christmas, all while trying to figure out a way to leave."
“After a one night stand, a relation-phobic marriage counselor is trapped by a blizzard with her impromptu lover and his family at Christmas, all while trying to figure out a way to leave.”
See lesspossible fiction-thriller “the quarry” (MITH)
Your logline is unclear what your lead character must do. Adding that will help improve your logline. ----- "After the mysterious death of several miners, a site operation manager must..." "After discovering a deadly unworldly?mineral, a site operation manager must..."
Your logline is unclear what your lead character must do. Adding that will help improve your logline.
See less—–
“After the mysterious death of several miners, a site operation manager must…”
“After discovering a deadly unworldly?mineral, a site operation manager must…”