1. Posted: June 3, 2017In:

    Reword #2: When she is abducted by her estranged father so she can be spared, a stubborn humanitarian must find a way to prevent him from killing most of humanity.

    Richiev Singularity

    Spared from what?How will her father kill most of humanity?Adding this detail will help paint a picture for the reader

    Spared from what?
    How will her father kill most of humanity?

    Adding this detail will help paint a picture for the reader

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  2. Posted: June 3, 2017In:

    A teenage Jewish boy in a Nazi death camp sets out to keep the promise of love with Hitler’s daughter and find the mystery of her who once tricked him as Jewish from the genocide.

    Richiev Singularity

    You might want to have another try at this one. It is obvious from this and past loglines you have a story to tell. Now it is just a matter of telling us what that story is, in a clear and concise way.

    You might want to have another try at this one.

    It is obvious from this and past loglines you have a story to tell.

    Now it is just a matter of telling us what that story is, in a clear and concise way.

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  3. Posted: June 2, 2017In:

    A molested, suspended cop privately investigates an unsolved murder, believing it is linked to his partner?s killing, finds carnal secrets, murders but must face his past to save himself, the girl he loves, to silence the voices of the unresolved

    Richiev Singularity

    What your character must do:Solve a murderDiscover who killed his partnerFind carnal secretsFace his pastSave himself Save the girl he lovesSilence the voices in his head...WhewOkay... You might want to narrow down the lead character's goals in your logline in order to focus it and help the reader uRead more

    What your character must do:

    Solve a murder
    Discover who killed his partner
    Find carnal secrets
    Face his past
    Save himself
    Save the girl he loves
    Silence the voices in his head…

    Whew

    Okay… You might want to narrow down the lead character’s goals in your logline in order to focus it and help the reader understand the main storyline better.

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