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POOL PARTY – When the humiliating pranking of an overweight loser during a high school pep rally goes viral, he decides to face his insecurities and his bullies in 3 months at the annual summer pool party hosted by the most popular girl in school.
In a logline you are not explaining everything in detail, you are giving us what set's the story in motion (Which you did) a brief description of character (Which you did) and a tangible goal (Which you didn't)
In a logline you are not explaining everything in detail, you are giving us what set’s the story in motion (Which you did) a brief description of character (Which you did) and a tangible goal (Which you didn’t)
See less-A retired Police officer hires two thieves to capture a cruel dacoit to take personal revenge
Let me try to re-write it from the point of view of the thieves:-----"When two happy-go-lucky ex-cons are hired by a respected retired police officer, they must protect his quaint town and their new found loves from a gang of ruthless killers."
Let me try to re-write it from the point of view of the thieves:
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“When two happy-go-lucky ex-cons are hired by a respected retired police officer, they must protect his quaint town and their new found loves from a gang of ruthless killers.”
An ex-con sacrifices everything for true love after trying to go straight.
Here would be an example of giving us a "why" he must sacrifice everything: (Your logline would be different of course)-----"When his true love is diagnosed with cancer, an ex-con breaks his vow to go straight, to steal the money for her experimental treatment"
Here would be an example of giving us a “why” he must sacrifice everything: (Your logline would be different of course)
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“When his true love is diagnosed with cancer, an ex-con breaks his vow to go straight, to steal the money for her experimental treatment”