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A young na?ve soldier in love gets her leave denied but decides to go AWOL to fulfill her dying boyfriend’s wish only to find out that he has a more sinister plan behind those weary eyes.
In response to what RussellN said, ?saying the character is both young and naive is repetitive, in fact I would drop both those adjectives because they do not really add anything. You say she is a soldier but what does she do? Does she drive a Tank? Does she defuse bombs? give us a job description tRead more
In response to what RussellN said, ?saying the character is both young and naive is repetitive, in fact I would drop both those adjectives because they do not really add anything. You say she is a soldier but what does she do? Does she drive a Tank? Does she defuse bombs? give us a job description that may come in handy later on in the film.
“When her dying boyfriend asks her to blow up the Golden Gate Bridge as his last wish, an AWOL demolition expert must…”
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See lessA family heirloom leads a successful businessman through dangerous Brazilian jungle to choose between revenge for his father?s death, and the truth that caused it.
I agree with dpg, you need a few specifics. Here would be an example of a logline where the character has a specific goal: (your logline would be different of course)-----"When he discovers his family crest is actually a secret map to El Dorado, an adventurous business man travels to the jungles ofRead more
I agree with dpg, you need a few specifics. Here would be an example of a logline where the character has a specific goal: (your logline would be different of course)
—–
“When he discovers his family crest is actually a secret map to El Dorado, an adventurous business man travels to the jungles of Brazil determined?to discover?the mythical city, only to find his dead fathers old rivals are hot on the trail as well.”
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A clerk at the age of 40, married and father of two kids realise his true passion for life and start to chase it along with fulfilling all his commitments and responsibilities.
You give us way to much back story at the beginning of the logline then don't give us the most important story element. What is his true passion? If his passion is for painting, He could set up a little studio in the basement and paint when he gets home from work and still keep all his commitments.Read more
You give us way to much back story at the beginning of the logline then don’t give us the most important story element. What is his true passion?
If his passion is for painting, He could set up a little studio in the basement and paint when he gets home from work and still keep all his commitments.
If his ?passion for being a rodeo clown, he could get injured and could cause conflict with his wife who wouldn’t want him to endanger himself.
If his passion for Surfing, it might mean he would have to uproot his family and move them to Hawaii, causing turmoil with the children who have to make new friends.
By telling us his passion, it gives us a glimpse of what troubles he may face.
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