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When his buddies desert him in law-enforced territory, a fast-talking space pirate hitches a ride with an underpaid traffic officer to retrieve his precious loot.
I have to agree. If his friends are the ones who steal the cargo then it needs to be said in the logline... not "when his buddies desert him..." but "When his Buddies steal his cargo..."
I have to agree. If his friends are the ones who steal the cargo then it needs to be said in the logline… not “when his buddies desert him…” but “When his Buddies steal his cargo…”
See lessWhen his buddies desert him in law-enforced territory, a fast-talking space pirate hitches a ride with an underpaid traffic officer to retrieve his precious loot.
You seem to have the wrong inciting incident. The incident incident should directly relate to the goal. If the goal is 'retrieving the cargo' then the incident that sets the story in motion should be the lead character 'losing the cargo' "When his cargo is stolen by (the antagonist), a fast talkingRead more
You seem to have the wrong inciting incident.
The incident incident should directly relate to the goal. If the goal is ‘retrieving the cargo’ then the incident that sets the story in motion should be the lead character ‘losing the cargo’
“When his cargo is stolen by (the antagonist), a fast talking space pirate must…”
Hope that helped, good luck with this!
See lessWhen a popular school clique viciously beats a boy to death because a two-faced classmate cried rape, 20 years later, a horribly disfigured 7ft. butcher traps them at a fake high school reunion to exact raw vengeance with a billhook.
You have not given us a lead character. Also you spend to much time in your logline on backstory.
You have not given us a lead character. Also you spend to much time in your logline on backstory.
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