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When people in town start disappearing, a young orphan woman, searching for her parents is attacked by an alien, she discovers her father’s true origins may not be from earth.
You still haven't told us what she must do about the Aliens.
You still haven’t told us what she must do about the Aliens.
See lessA soft-hearted young woman determined to find her birth parents stumbles on a deadly alien species that may hold the key to her origin.
Your logline doesn't read like it's complete. Instead it seems as though you are just giving us the inciting incident then not telling us what she must do about it. "When she discovers a deadly alien species that may hold the key to her heritage, a softhearted woman must..." (Then tell us what she mRead more
Your logline doesn’t read like it’s complete. Instead it seems as though you are just giving us the inciting incident then not telling us what she must do about it.
“When she discovers a deadly alien species that may hold the key to her heritage, a softhearted woman must…” (Then tell us what she must do)
See lessLogline- A racially prejudiced cricket fan about to lose the family hotel because it has been declared aboriginal land, and he lacks funds for back rent , goes back to 1938 with his prospective Indian son in law where he finds a solution, a 1930 penny and learns his true heritage is aboriginal, but he has only 24 hours to overcome overcome mistrust and mistaken identity in a war weary Australia and he must work with his son in law if he is to survive an aboriginal curse, and and get back to his own time .
There is a lot going on in this story. Time travel, A curse, Prejudice, A fight to save his hotel, war, and apparently cricket. It's so jumbled I can't see ultimately what's at the heart of the story. Is the heart of the story saving his hotel? Is the heart of the story overcoming his prejudices? IsRead more
There is a lot going on in this story. Time travel, A curse, Prejudice, A fight to save his hotel, war, and apparently cricket. It’s so jumbled I can’t see ultimately what’s at the heart of the story. Is the heart of the story saving his hotel? Is the heart of the story overcoming his prejudices? Is the heart of the story getting back to his own time period? At it’s heart, what is this story about?
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