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I.E.D is a dramatic thriller about an environmental engineer taken hostage and forced to pilot a car rigged with explosives across country. Now he must escape his captor before this rolling bomb reaches it?s destination – transcontinental oil pipeline.
As pointed out, there seems to be a problem with the internal logic of the story.An intercontinental pipeline would be very long, after all it spans two continents. There would be no way to guard it all. So if someone could hurt it with a bomb they could do it at their leisure. They could simply plaRead more
As pointed out, there seems to be a problem with the internal logic of the story.
An intercontinental pipeline would be very long, after all it spans two continents. There would be no way to guard it all. So if someone could hurt it with a bomb they could do it at their leisure. They could simply plant the bomb and walk away. Kidnapping someone and having a car bomb just seems like a lot of trouble to do an easy task.
Therefore, why kidnap someone? If that isn’t answered in the logline the story won’t make sense.
See lessWhen a shepherd is tending to his flock, one of his sheep are taken by thieves. He must find the stolen sheep in his herd.
The wording of this logline is a bit awkward. The line "He must find the stolen sheep in his herd" particularly stands out a confusing. If the sheep has been stolen how it it still in his herd?Second; and this is important, you have tagged this as comedy but nothing in the logline suggests comedy. ARead more
The wording of this logline is a bit awkward. The line “He must find the stolen sheep in his herd” particularly stands out a confusing. If the sheep has been stolen how it it still in his herd?
Second; and this is important, you have tagged this as comedy but nothing in the logline suggests comedy. A reader should be able to tell the genre’ just by reading the logline; ?that doesn’t come across.
Here is what I mean by writing the logine in a way that suggest comedy:
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“When his favorite sheep is stolen by a rival, a bumbling shepherd must track down the dastardly thief, but his progress is slowed because he must take his entire flock with him for fear of losing them as well.”
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Hope that helped, good luck with this!
See lessWhen a prison gate is accidentally left open, a young female inmate must find a way to get to the gate and get her chance at freedom.
The logline is pretty good. As for internal story logic, I do wonder how an inmate who obviously isn't near the open gate, finds out about the gate being open, but the guards don't.
The logline is pretty good. As for internal story logic, I do wonder how an inmate who obviously isn’t near the open gate, finds out about the gate being open, but the guards don’t.
See less