1. Posted: April 2, 2016In:

    When an unbounded 22-year-old unwantedly gets the news that his girlfriend is pregnant, he must put aside his ego and let go of his regrets in order to become a good father.

    Richiev Singularity

    This logine seems to concentrate on intangible inner goals. How do you show on screen a lead character putting aside ego? How do you show on screen a lead character, letting go of regrets. For the purposes of logline, I would concentrate on things that can be shown onscreen. For instance: "When he gRead more

    This logine seems to concentrate on intangible inner goals. How do you show on screen a lead character putting aside ego? How do you show on screen a lead character, letting go of regrets.

    For the purposes of logline, I would concentrate on things that can be shown onscreen.

    For instance:

    “When he get’s his girlfriend pregnant, a broke, twenty-two-year-old musician with dreams of stardom, is forced to work for his overbearing soon to be father-in-law, in order to pay for the medical expenses.”

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  2. Posted: April 2, 2016In:

    Through various interactions with old friends and family at her mom’s funeral, a bitter, middle-aged woman learns that she may have been the most important thing in her mom’s life – even though they haven’t spoken in twenty years.

    Richiev Singularity

    First of all this story sounds like the kind of story I enjoy. A person who has been away from home for a while (And dreads going back) is forced to go home, and in doing so learns something from the process.Home for the Holidays (1995) Stealing home (1988) Something wild (1986)All these movies are,Read more

    First of all this story sounds like the kind of story I enjoy. A person who has been away from home for a while (And dreads going back) is forced to go home, and in doing so learns something from the process.

    Home for the Holidays (1995)
    Stealing home (1988)
    Something wild (1986)

    All these movies are, coming home, movies and are favorites of mine.

    1: Your character needs a goal: I only mention this because in your logline the character is passive. Having a goal will change that. For instance, in Stealing Home, the lead character has to come home because someone he loved died. His goal is to figure out where to spread her ashes. In doing so and through a series of flashbacks. He rediscovers his love of baseball. There was the outward goal, spreading the ashes and the inner goal, rediscovering his love.

    2: You story needs a hook: Something that grabs the reader. A hook that relates to the character’s goal. In ‘Something wild’, the co-lead character Lulu; a free spirited but vulnerable woman, kidnaps uptight businessman, Charlie, in order to bring a respectable guy home to mother and to her high school reunion. A great hook.

    3: Your logline is giving us the conclusion of your story, you shouldn’t do that. Give us the set-up and the outward goal, but leave the conclusion of the inward goal (Discovering she was the most important thing in her moms life) out of the logline.

    Good luck with this story, I believe it has potential, I hope this helps you with your logline attempt.

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  3. Posted: April 2, 2016In:

    In a modern European country, a deadly terrorist group carries out an attack, a naive young school dropout must get would-be victims to safety.

    Richiev Singularity

    You should personalize the story, He must get his younger brother to safety He must get his fiance insulin before she dies. He must his dying mother to a hospital. Because right now, the logline is just: In some unknown country, a boy we don't know, must get some people he doesn't know, to some unspRead more

    You should personalize the story,

    He must get his younger brother to safety
    He must get his fiance insulin before she dies.
    He must his dying mother to a hospital.

    Because right now, the logline is just: In some unknown country, a boy we don’t know, must get some people he doesn’t know, to some unspecific place.

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