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After his bisexual girlfriend commits suicide after being harrassed by an ex boyfriend, A man finds his purpose by supporting gay rights.
Story is conflictIt usually begins with an inciting incident: ?"After his bisexual girlfriend commits suicide after being harassed by an ex boyfriend..."This incident should then lead to conflict.The problem with your logline is, your inciting incident doesn't lead to conflict. In fact just the oppoRead more
Story is conflict
It usually begins with an inciting incident: ?”After his bisexual girlfriend commits suicide after being harassed by an ex boyfriend…”
This incident should then lead to conflict.
The problem with your logline is, your inciting incident doesn’t lead to conflict. In fact just the opposite you character seems to find solace from joining the gay rights movement.
In other words, if there is a main conflict in your story, it should be in the logline. That’s what’ll grip the reader.
Hope that helped, good luck with this.
**The key to improving this logline is determining the main conflict of your story; then adding it to the logline**
See lessSex, drugs, and violence are controlled in the casino club the the CROWD CONTROL team. Fighting with the crowds is the best part of their job. But can they control themselves?
In a logline it's usually best to concentrate on the lead character instead of a group of people, otherwise the logline will come off as more of a situation than a story.Is there a lead character? What do they want? What is standing in their way?Finally, when a story begins, everything is normal, thRead more
In a logline it’s usually best to concentrate on the lead character instead of a group of people, otherwise the logline will come off as more of a situation than a story.
Is there a lead character?
What do they want?
What is standing in their way?
Finally, when a story begins, everything is normal, then something happens to disrupt the norm. A new boss, new ownership of the casino, or ?maybe a new member of the team who does things different. In your logline I see the norm but not what breaks up the norm.
anyway, hope that helps, good luck with this!
See lessSMITHEREENS II – Sue finally understands her mother’s suicide after her crime cleaning business changes everything.
It sounds as if you are telling us the end of the story in this logline. Instead you should give us a glimpse of what led up to this.
It sounds as if you are telling us the end of the story in this logline. Instead you should give us a glimpse of what led up to this.
See less