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When the Lunar Reactor core goes haywire , Commander White must find a way to save the crew before they get literally cooked alive.
my r must not be working properly "excuse" "excuse" :) I meant learns not leans
my r must not be working properly “excuse” “excuse” 🙂 I meant learns not leans
See lessWhen the Lunar Reactor core goes haywire , Commander White must find a way to save the crew before they get literally cooked alive.
I believe there are three problems with this logline, none are too big. First: I don't believe Haywire is the right word to use for a reactor. "When the Lunar Reactor goes into meltdown" would be better. Second: You should probably give us a glimpse why they can't just hop in a space ship and fly baRead more
I believe there are three problems with this logline, none are too big.
First: I don’t believe Haywire is the right word to use for a reactor. “When the Lunar Reactor goes into meltdown” would be better.
Second: You should probably give us a glimpse why they can’t just hop in a space ship and fly back to earth.
Third: Saying ‘commander White’, tells us nothing about the character, you should instead give us a character trait.”An alcoholic Commander” “A by the book Commander” “A hard nosed Commander” Ideally this character trait should be part of his character growth; preferable the “before”
An alcoholic Commander–by the end of the story gives up drinking
A by the book commander– by the end of the story leans to be creative
A hard nosed Commander– by the end of the story leans to soften up and listen.
Anyway, I believe your logline is pretty close, these things are minor changes the would probably only change a few words.
Sounds like an interesting story idea,
Hope that helped, good luck with this!
See lessWhen the Lunar Reactor core goes haywire , Commander White must find a way to save the crew before they get literally cooked alive.
I believe there are three problems with this logline, none are too big. First: I don't believe Haywire is the right word to use for a reactor. "When the Lunar Reactor goes into meltdown" would be better. Second: You should probably give us a glimpse why they can't just hop in a space ship and fly baRead more
I believe there are three problems with this logline, none are too big.
First: I don’t believe Haywire is the right word to use for a reactor. “When the Lunar Reactor goes into meltdown” would be better.
Second: You should probably give us a glimpse why they can’t just hop in a space ship and fly back to earth.
Third: Saying ‘commander White’, tells us nothing about the character, you should instead give us a character trait.”An alcoholic Commander” “A by the book Commander” “A hard nosed Commander” Ideally this character trait should be part of his character growth; preferable the “before”
An alcoholic Commander–by the end of the story gives up drinking
A by the book commander– by the end of the story leans to be creative
A hard nosed Commander– by the end of the story leans to soften up and listen.
Anyway, I believe your logline is pretty close, these things are minor changes the would probably only change a few words.
Sounds like an interesting story idea,
Hope that helped, good luck with this!
See less