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In 1961, a British double agent is blackmailed with his past crimes by a former colleague, and forced to spy on a suspected Nazi war criminal, now an American jet-setter living on the French Riviera.
Still on my mind... In 1961, a retired British agent who's guilt-ridden over his collaboration with the Germans in WWII is blackmailed into capturing a Nazi war criminal living a jet-setter life on the French Riviera. That's a smoother logline (not great), but still raises a few of the wrong kind ofRead more
Still on my mind…
In 1961, a retired British agent who’s guilt-ridden over his collaboration with the Germans in WWII is blackmailed into capturing a Nazi war criminal living a jet-setter life on the French Riviera.
That’s a smoother logline (not great), but still raises a few of the wrong kind of questions. .
See lessIn 1961, a British double agent is blackmailed with his past crimes by a former colleague, and forced to spy on a suspected Nazi war criminal, now an American jet-setter living on the French Riviera.
Agree. Some improvements and still some questions.If his past crimes are known early on, then they should be in the logline even if it means a longer log. If they're not revealed until later, then hint to them and tell us who he is today.Spying sure seems like the first step of a greater objective sRead more
Agree. Some improvements and still some questions.
If his past crimes are known early on, then they should be in the logline even if it means a longer log. If they’re not revealed until later, then hint to them and tell us who he is today.
Spying sure seems like the first step of a greater objective so is there more to say about the job?
What’s the conflict? Is it difficult for this former agent to spy? Does something go wrong?
If the main stakes are about the protag, then we should care about him or relate to him. Usually someone is blackmailed into something they wouldn’t normally do.
Here’s an example of a sharper logline (not great as that takes more time and this isn’t about trying to shape the story):
In 1961, after hearing of a Nazi living large on the French Riviera, a retired British agent troubled over his wartime actions befriends the man as part of a scheme to bring him to justice. ?
See lessDuring a notoriously bleak winter, a wanted frontiersman must protect the family he?s taken refuge with from an unscrupulous company that wants their land.
Good. A few tweaks can elevate it...Bleak is not such a bad thing and it doesn't get worse with notoriously. Or is it clearer to say a harsh winter?Wanted for murder? Robbery? Offer a sense of the tension between the family and him.Unscrupulous is redundant and better to add specifics. For example,Read more
Good. A few tweaks can elevate it…
Bleak is not such a bad thing and it doesn’t get worse with notoriously. Or is it clearer to say a harsh winter?
Wanted for murder? Robbery? Offer a sense of the tension between the family and him.
Unscrupulous is redundant and better to add specifics. For example, “A land grabber’s ruthless henchmen.”
Still, it sounds straightforward or common. Not a terrible thing if the writing is great. But try working on the theme now (sometimes it becomes clearer or changes during the writing stage) to see what else the story can do. What’s the (thematic) question that would run through the script? ‘Is he a good guy or bad guy?’ ‘Is he beyond redemption?’ ‘Can he have a normal life and family?’ Etc. Each one demands its own adjustments.
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