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In 1961, a British double agent, living under a new alias, must thwart a corrupt former colleague who threatens to expose his existence to a secret organisation of Nazis, unless he takes part in his complex game of human chess.
Forced and pawn are not proactive.? His plan within the situation should be stated.>>when he?s summoned back to action and seduced into another missionFirst he returns on his own and then he's blackmailed? Why two steps?Since he's a former double-agent, better to include who he is now.A joylesRead more
Forced and pawn are not proactive.? His plan within the situation should be stated.
>>when he?s summoned back to action and seduced into another mission
First he returns on his own and then he’s blackmailed? Why two steps?
Since he’s a former double-agent, better to include who he is now.
A joyless life on the FR is ironic and the opposite American being there is another irony, so that feels odd. What’s the point of the protag living there? Why not have him and the reader enter the location from outside?
Someone’s question from earlier wasn’t addressed, why this whole production to trap the Nazi instead of a direct, non-blackmail plan or notifying? law enforcement or Israel?
What’s the series, a different mission every episode? How long can the blackmail last??? Try a series logline, another pilot logline, and a paragraph about the first season.
My two cents.
See lessWhen a Texas cotton farmer’s land stops yielding crops, he teams up with an old friend to distribute VHS pornography tapes; leaving his family and slipping into a world of depravity and greed to become the undisputed King of Pornography in Texas. (1980)
Agree with the others. As well, clarify if it's production and not just distribution because it's hard to see depravity with the latter. With depravity, greed becomes secondary or an assumed part of it.Even if this is based on someone real, try to strengthen the hook and family part so that this canRead more
Agree with the others. As well, clarify if it’s production and not just distribution because it’s hard to see depravity with the latter. With depravity, greed becomes secondary or an assumed part of it.
Even if this is based on someone real, try to strengthen the hook and family part so that this can be more than ‘Boogie Nights in Texas’.
See lessTrapped in an abandon house by a storm two gangsters engage in a battle of wits and violence try to ensure their own safety regardless of whose side arrives first.
It's true we don't have to like a protag, but then we should relate to him in some way or see some hope in him. TV and movies are different and a bad guy movie protag is a rare success, even among the low-budget thrillers on Netflix. (Not bad for the writer to get produced and released on Netflix, tRead more
It’s true we don’t have to like a protag, but then we should relate to him in some way or see some hope in him.
TV and movies are different and a bad guy movie protag is a rare success, even among the low-budget thrillers on Netflix. (Not bad for the writer to get produced and released on Netflix, the point is to consider if the story is as strong as it can be. ) However, Breaking Bad supports my point because we relate to Walter White in the pilot as a smart and nice family man who’s been dealt a bad hand in life, and then we relate to his motive of wanting to provide for his children. Something like Training Day with bad cop Denzel doesn’t even compare to this story because the audience relates to the co-lead Ethan Hawke’s character and he’s the one with the arc.
With one being a snitch in hiding, it sounds like there is a grey-area guy the reader (not yet an audience!) will have hopes for, at least at the start.
>> Hiding for years after being a snitch, a man is forced to provide refuge to an associate from his criminal past…
Is this still in the warehouse during the storm? Say more than hiding, like what he does for work or if he’s literally on the run or doesn’t settle anywhere for long. Say more than associate or specify the past crime.
>>He tries to leverage the criminal?s situation to his advantage triggering a battle of wills, threats and eventually death.
Vague and confusing. Next attempt, add specifics. What is the snitch’s plan? What is his objective? What is the conflict, what makes it hard for him to achieve it? Don’t they both have leverage over each other, not just the snitch over the criminal? No need to reveal anything from Act III and improving the rest should imply it.
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