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After a lonely orphan discovers she belongs to an almost-extinct race that guards the source of all life, she must fight to protect mankind from the only other of her people, her parents killer.
Agree with the others. Since these elements have been done before, what sets this apart would come from the details. Next attempt, specify her race, the source, etc. Add the backdrop (where this is, when...)? to help with the mental picture,
Agree with the others. Since these elements have been done before, what sets this apart would come from the details. Next attempt, specify her race, the source, etc. Add the backdrop (where this is, when…)? to help with the mental picture,
See lessTrapped in an abandon house by a storm two gangsters engage in a battle of wits and violence try to ensure their own safety regardless of whose side arrives first.
Good start. >> Then realise that if the opposition turns up first they?ll need the other person alive to vouch for them. When do they realize this? Seems it wouldn't take long, but then what is the conflict if they do not? try to kill each other? What is the mental picture? With gangsters as cRead more
Good start.
>> Then realise that if the opposition turns up first they?ll need the other person alive to vouch for them.
When do they realize this? Seems it wouldn’t take long, but then what is the conflict if they do not? try to kill each other? What is the mental picture?
With gangsters as co-leads, why should we care who wins? If there is a good guy who is a grey-area gangster, then flesh him out as so in the logline. Regardless, say more about both. Think of the character’s arc, the theme, etc.
See lessIn 1977, a reformed ex-con, desperate to pay for his mother?s hospital bill, returns to his old life of drug dealing but soon learns the game has changed and the players are more ruthless than before.
Yup, different comments for marketing.Yet, fwiw about the story...Is the mother's bill enough motivation for a series? Doesn't sound like it would take long to earn it.>> I was hoping it would be a slow process of a man steadily turningWhat do you mean, "hoping?" Usually with a pilot script, tRead more
Yup, different comments for marketing.
Yet, fwiw about the story…
Is the mother’s bill enough motivation for a series? Doesn’t sound like it would take long to earn it.
>> I was hoping it would be a slow process of a man steadily turning
What do you mean, “hoping?” Usually with a pilot script, the writer also has an outline of the first season.
>>the false glamour of Manhattan (where he dreams of being a somebody but soon finds himself disillusioned with).
How does he become disillusioned if he doesn’t live or work there?
HBO’s The Deuce currently covers this time and place and grime. Regardless, the hook has to include the main character.
Of course, good writing can do wonders. Good luck!
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