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When a Commander of the largest military force in the universe, telepathically thwarts an assassination attempt by an obstinately powerful female warrior. He tricks her into facing and ultimately destroying her evil mirror double. A double that’s the source of her own power.
That whole telepathic stuff sounds great for how the commander defeats the assassin warrior, but it doesn't belong in the logline.? It's written more like a synopsis, where you just say how the hero wins the day... the end.? What you want to do is explain the situation, and what the hero must figureRead more
That whole telepathic stuff sounds great for how the commander defeats the assassin warrior, but it doesn’t belong in the logline.? It’s written more like a synopsis, where you just say how the hero wins the day… the end.? What you want to do is explain the situation, and what the hero must figure out how to do.
After an attempted assassination of the Commander of the largest military force in the universe, he finds himself pitted against an obstinately powerful warrior and must find a way to defeat her.
Maybe that?
See lessWhen a self-made CEO develops a romantic connection with an ageing musician she must confront the loss of her company and her own mortality to rediscover love that transcends all.
I agree with everything Mike said, except... I think rediscovering love can visual.? It's just too ambiguous as to how she's doing that.? Anyway, here's a logline that I came up with that I'd want to watch the movie for.? As I was playing around with the words, I realized that if we were to give somRead more
I agree with everything Mike said, except… I think rediscovering love can visual.? It’s just too ambiguous as to how she’s doing that.? Anyway, here’s a logline that I came up with that I’d want to watch the movie for.? As I was playing around with the words, I realized that if we were to give someone a clear goal, it’d likely be the ageing musician and not the CEO.? This is good, because the ageing musician sounds much more interesting and cinematic 🙂
When an ageing musician falls in love with a self-made CEO that just lost everything, he must help her reconnect with her humanity and find reason to go on living.
See lessA Russian immigrant is searching for the answers of her life in the assassination of Boris Nemtsov, the most feared of Putin?s adversaries. She is finding much more than she ever hoped for.
The first issue is that the stakes are unclear.? Why is the immigrant investigating this crime?? Is it a school project, or is she trying to start her career in journalism?? Is she threatened in some way?? What's motivating the immigrant to do anything, here?Secondly, we need a clear goal, in additiRead more
The first issue is that the stakes are unclear.? Why is the immigrant investigating this crime?? Is it a school project, or is she trying to start her career in journalism?? Is she threatened in some way?? What’s motivating the immigrant to do anything, here?
Secondly, we need a clear goal, in addition to the stakes, in order to convince us there’s an interesting story here.? The “finding much more” line isn’t going to intrigue anyone.? All we know is that she’s searching for answers.
I’m going to guess what you are getting at is the answer about whether or not Putin was responsible for Nemtsov’s death.? Then she likely fears for her own life, once she knows too much.? You probably can just be specific about that, add the initial motivation (maybe in the form of the “what happens that makes her start searching?”), and you’re golden.
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