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Back in time
I think the main problem is that the ghost isn't much of an obstacle yet.? Is the ghost's company even a bad thing?? I see you mention the ghost wanting to come home is the inciting incident that starts a chain of events, but I don't think the "how" is important for the inciting incident... just a pRead more
I think the main problem is that the ghost isn’t much of an obstacle yet.? Is the ghost’s company even a bad thing?? I see you mention the ghost wanting to come home is the inciting incident that starts a chain of events, but I don’t think the “how” is important for the inciting incident… just a plausible “what happens” that’s ultimately the problem.
See lessA financially stricken screenwriter works through his crippling writer’s block with the help of a misanthropic author, to write the great American novel.
First off, why is a screenwriter writing a novel?? He gave up on film? Secondly, okay, I get that this is a writer that's run out of money and really needs to pay the bills.? However, the obstacle is... writer's block?? That's not very exciting. The misanthropic author seems like... okay, the screenRead more
First off, why is a screenwriter writing a novel?? He gave up on film?
Secondly, okay, I get that this is a writer that’s run out of money and really needs to pay the bills.? However, the obstacle is… writer’s block?? That’s not very exciting.
The misanthropic author seems like… okay, the screenwriter has some help, but not a lot, so writer’s block is still something to worry about.? All that does is reduce the challenge, which wasn’t so ominous to begin with.? I see you got rid of that guy in your rewrite though.? ?Probably a good move.
The fact that this is “the great American novel” could be intriguing, but there’s nothing else in the logline to support that.? It makes me think maybe this is meant to be historical fiction?? I’d use the actual name of the writer then, if we’re actually watching a movie about how The Great Gatsby or something came to be.
See lessTo save their planet, a couple of aliens have come to earth in order to find the resources that help them develop their super powers.
I'm picturing a Superman prequel, where Kryptonians are treating earth as a "yellow sun spa".? ?I think you have goals and stakes, so that's good.? However, the "save the world" thing is a little ambiguous.? We can really use some sense of a "save the world from <what>" I think.? Also, I thinkRead more
I’m picturing a Superman prequel, where Kryptonians are treating earth as a “yellow sun spa”.? ?I think you have goals and stakes, so that’s good.? However, the “save the world” thing is a little ambiguous.? We can really use some sense of a “save the world from <what>” I think.? Also, I think you’re relying on tropes a bit much with the conflict.? Typically, when aliens visit earth, they have to stay incognito and avoid the military, who wants to capture/end them.? I guess that’s the danger here?? Or is earth somehow more of a proactive ally?? It’d be nice if we had a sense of what stance us earthlings had with regards to the alien heroes and their plight.
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