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When he discovers an abandoned project car, a former street racer , and young father must use the car to help his invert daughter get over her first breakup .
The biggest problem I see with this logline is, it's hard to figure out what the car has to do with the daughter or her romantic issues.? I figure you're going to have the father and daughter bonding, working together on the car, and then he or she wins a big race and she's happy and expressive andRead more
The biggest problem I see with this logline is, it’s hard to figure out what the car has to do with the daughter or her romantic issues.? I figure you’re going to have the father and daughter bonding, working together on the car, and then he or she wins a big race and she’s happy and expressive and the ex is forgotten?? ? I’d at least add some hint of how the car actually helps the daughter.
See lessTwo bitterly-divorced CDC epidemiologists are called to investigate a disease outbreak at a mountain resort and uncover a government conspiracy that they must stop in order to survive.
I think I'm fine with the logline, except that I would expect the word "survive" to apply to the disease.? There needs to be more of a reason for them to want to stop the government conspiracy.? Is the conspiracy to spread the disease and kill them and other people?? Is the government planning sometRead more
I think I’m fine with the logline, except that I would expect the word “survive” to apply to the disease.? There needs to be more of a reason for them to want to stop the government conspiracy.? Is the conspiracy to spread the disease and kill them and other people?? Is the government planning something? that they want to keep under wraps and they want to kill these epidemiologists? (likely by exposing them to the disease… but maybe just shooting them) to silence them?? I’m assuming this government conspiracy is related to the disease, but the way the logline is written, it doesn’t have to be.? (although it probably should be)
I read your latest revision, in response to Mike’s comment, and actually, that one excites me more.? ?I find generalizing about conspiracies to be boring, actually.? I love the “leading mismatched survivors” concept, and the fact that the scientist isn’t a natural leader.? Uniting is a part of leading though, so I’d just write “must learn to lead”.? ?Sadly, in today’s day and age, I think the phrase “transform its victims into deadly drones” is going to make people think about humans being transformed into those little flying robot drones that are popular today, so maybe I’d switch out that word if you can think of something better… but otherwise, yeah, I’d say you’ve got a winner there.
See lessA guilt-ridden psychiatrist delves into the occult to save his family when the evil spirit of a patient who killed himself haunts them.
My first impression was that I liked it, but you needed to be more specific with what this "delving" entails.? I think all you need to do is replace it with something more concrete, like unlocking the secret to an occult ritual. "When a guilt-ridden psychiatrist's family is threatened by the spiritRead more
My first impression was that I liked it, but you needed to be more specific with what this “delving” entails.? I think all you need to do is replace it with something more concrete, like unlocking the secret to an occult ritual.
“When a guilt-ridden psychiatrist’s family is threatened by the spirit of a former patient that killed himself, he must unlock the secret to an occult ritual to save them.”
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