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After cyborgs invade their planet, a cyborg hunter and his crew must stop them from destroying the human race.
Okay... then "and he, and his crew, must find a way to stop them"
Okay… then “and he, and his crew, must find a way to stop them”
See lessAfter cyborgs invade their planet, a cyborg hunter and his crew must stop them from destroying the human race.
Finds himself is an ambiguous inciting incident. Maybe something like “crash-lands in” or “gets stranded on”... then you need to add some connection between his presence and the invasion. Maybe a logline like this: When a cyborg hunter crash-lands on a cyborg planet, he learns of their plan to invadRead more
Finds himself is an ambiguous inciting incident. Maybe something like “crash-lands in” or “gets stranded on”… then you need to add some connection between his presence and the invasion. Maybe a logline like this:
When a cyborg hunter crash-lands on a cyborg planet, he learns of their plan to invade his home world and must find a way to stop them.
You could also try to make it so he inadvertently instigates the war.
See lessA smart young property developer locates the perfect large country house, but it is haunted. Knowing the ghost must go before the family arrive, a 250 year old murder has to be resolved.
Some things you put in there didn't seem important to the plot (e.g. smart, large...) Also, it could be phrased in a way that makes the inciting incident (i.e. When something happens...) and the protagonist's goal (i.e. so and so must...) more clear. Also, for some reason, I find mentioning the specRead more
Some things you put in there didn’t seem important to the plot (e.g. smart, large…) Also, it could be phrased in a way that makes the inciting incident (i.e. When something happens…) and the protagonist’s goal (i.e. so and so must…) more clear. Also, for some reason, I find mentioning the specific large number of years a bit awkward. How about something like this?
When a young property developer risks her life savings renovating an apparently haunted country house, she must solve the troublesome ghost’s centuries-old murder mystery before the new residents arrive.
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