By, George, I think you’ve got it!

The posted logline (not your “or” one) sounds to be spot-on after several attempts at rehabbing the original generation. This one seems to be perfect- you started off with “When” (“After”, “While”, “Because” are also excellent logline starting points, as it forces you to “ask” and “answer” the question), you have under thirty words (27), you include: the Lead (promising, young surgeon); Obstacle (aliens); Goal (saving the Queen); Loss (or stakes- risking one’s life); Irony (missing, but inciting incident is clear- death of royal physician); the “New” (unique concept, or “hook”- aliens mixed with Royal Family story); and the Enemy (antag- alien streetwalkers).

You might want to consider two things: hyphens instead of commas between “a promising, young surgeon”, and elevating the descriptive terms like “promising, young” and “strange”. Those phrases are often over-used and don’t elicit enough dramatic impact. Other than that, it’s very good! Nice work, after many previous struggles!

A naive young intelligence analyst is sent undercover in a group of rogue CIA agents ? but as he falls for the glamor of their high-octane lifestyle, he starts to question who the real bad guys are.

1) “Naive and young” pretty much imply the same thing in most loglines (and why aren’t they ever “old and wise”?). You might consider something a little less cliche.

2)I can’t imagine any “undercover op” infiltrating a “group of rogue CIA agents” being a “simple assignment”, as it sounds like life or death to me. Perhpas protag went undercover and no one knew they were rogue group of agents yet? If that’s the case, it’s not clear and needs work.

3) Don’t end logline with an ellipsis.

4) As others have said, the main issue is why he questions whom the bad guys are. That’s the rub.

Geno Scala (sharkeatingman)- judge