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Carol Wilson, entangled with a vicious loan shark, forced to smuggle drugs out of South America to pay off her debt with the support of her boyfriend who accompanies her.
I always advise against using the character's name in the logline, unless they are famous. Seems to be missing an "is" ("...is forced..."). It lacks conflict (what happens if she fails?), and the "boyfriend" part is irrelevant for the logline (although I can only surmise that he's really the personRead more
I always advise against using the character’s name in the logline, unless they are famous. Seems to be missing an “is” (“…is forced…”). It lacks conflict (what happens if she fails?), and the “boyfriend” part is irrelevant for the logline (although I can only surmise that he’s really the person behind the drug operation, but that’s just a guess on my part).
Needs work…
Geno Scala (sharkeatingman)- judge
See lessA promising young surgeon is appointed by the Queen’s Secret Court to eliminate an alien threat from the slums of London before it destroys the Aristocracy.
My first reaction was positive as well, but not quite AS excited as Karel, perhaps.Basing it on your last logline ("In the ghettos..."), I'm just slightly thrown by the mash-up of subject matter- the Queen, a doctor and aliens. They don't seem to jive for me. I've purposely NOT read the explanationsRead more
My first reaction was positive as well, but not quite AS excited as Karel, perhaps.Basing it on your last logline (“In the ghettos…”), I’m just slightly thrown by the mash-up of subject matter- the Queen, a doctor and aliens. They don’t seem to jive for me. I’ve purposely NOT read the explanations you’ve offered because you won’t have that luxury when using the logline in the future- if you have to explain it, it doesn’t work. You seem to have the right elements, but I don’t see the tie-in between them.
Sharkeatingman (Geno Scala)- judge
See lessIn a land where the dragons have been hunted to extinction, a timid young girl learns that she is the last Dragon Keeper – and has to find a way to bring the dragons back.
"Timid" doesn't really express the character arc. I mean, is she only going to grow from being timid to more outs-poken or courageous? Doubt it. I'd find a better descriptor word for her. Other than that, I think it hits the mark. You can skip "has to find a way" and just jump right to the end.
“Timid” doesn’t really express the character arc. I mean, is she only going to grow from being timid to more outs-poken or courageous? Doubt it. I’d find a better descriptor word for her. Other than that, I think it hits the mark. You can skip “has to find a way” and just jump right to the end.
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